IF YOU PAY ATTENTION THE WORLD DOES TALK TO YOU

Lately I feel like the world is screaming at me to show me the right path to follow.

The other day on my way home from work I was the Kiss FM and they had an author on the radio talking about how he is self published and he was giving types on how to be a self published author too.

Then I was watching TV and there was show about how look and feel younger and sexier. Not that I think I look old but I would love to have my bartender body back. I have but on a few pounds.

Then this morning on my way to work I turned on the radio and as soon as I turned to z100 I heard them talking about how it’s very easy to fall back if your ex (not that I would GOD NO) because you focus on all the good times and forget about the bad times. And that is so true.
I am counting the days for my Grandmother to come home from Puerto Rico. She makes my life a little easier. I can’t wait.

IT'S A NEW DAY

Today is a new day. And I love the fact that even though the problems from yesterday are still there I don’t feel the same way I did.

I woke up this morning not knowing what the change is but knowing that it was there.

I have to keep believing that I am the only one that can control my own destiny.

And even if I do have to go to court with JERK-OFF; I know that I am not just a good mother I am a GREAT MOTHER. And I maybe suffering financially but he will always be suffering because he won’t let his heart heal when it come to me.

And I know that I won’t suffering for much longer.

MY MIND IS FILLED WITH THOUGHTS AND WORRIES

I have been doing a lot of think lately and a lot of journal writing…of the things that I have to do and the things that I need to do. And there is one thing that keeps on haunting me, and that is NEGATIVE thoughts.

I feel like people are wishing that I fail that, I fall flat on my face. I strongly believe that I was put on this earth to be a writer. So how do you block the negative thoughts????

I am feeling a little better but to be honest I am still feeling like I am still not on solid ground yet and that’s because I haven’t my extra income. I know that as soon as I get under control and all the court shit out of the way I will feel whole of a lot better.

I just have to keep reminding myself two things:
Good things come to those who wait.
It’s never to late to be me

THE 4 THINGS I NEED TO DO!!!!!
GET MY LISENCE (PERMIT BY MY B-DAY 9-10)
GET A SECOND JOB (A.S.A.P)
FINISH WITH ALL THIS COURT CRAP (BEFORE THE BABY’S B-DAY 8-27)
FINISH MY BOOK (A.S.AP.)

BEYOND PISSED OFF SICK AND TIRED

PISSED DOESN’T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW.

THIS FUCKEN MAN IS NUTS AND HE’S DRIVING ME NUTS. HE WILL TRY EVERYTHING IN POWER TO TRY AND GET TO ME AND NOW HE HASMY DAUGHTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WHOLE THING.

HER BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP IN LIKE A LITTLE OVER A MONTH AND NO MATTER WHAT PROBLEMS WE MAY HAVE HAD WE HAVE ALWAYS MADE HER BIRTHDAY THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT AND WE ALWAYS HAD A BIG PARTY. MY DAUGHTER DOESN’T HAVE MANY FRIENDS AND THE ONES THAT SHE DOES HAVE ARE ALL CHILDREN FROM FRIENDS OF HIS WHICH I KNOW AS WELL.

NOW HE DOESN’T WANT TO HAVE ONE BIG PARTY HE WANTS ME TO HAVE MY PARTY AND HIM TO HAVE HIS PARTY AND I AM NOT TO CALL ANY OF THE HIS FRIENDS TO INVITE THEIR CHILDREN TO THE PARTY THAT I AM SUPPOSE TO THROW FOR HER.

SO BASCILLY HE WANTS HER PARTY WITH ME TO BE EMPTY SO SHE CAN HAVE A MISAGIABLE TIME AT MINE AND HIS PARTY BE THE GREATEST THING FOR HER.

WHY MUST HE PUT HER THE MIDDLE?????

THAT’S NOT LOVE!!!!!!!!

I HATE HIM SOO MUCH AND I FEEL BAD FOR MY DAUGTHER.

MY GUESS IS HE FIGURES THAT IF I AM NOT GOING TO CARE ABOUT HIM TRYING TO RUIN ANYTHING BETWEEN AND SOME GUY AND I WON’T RESPOND TO STUPID MESSAGES LET’S HIT ME WERE IT HURTS AND USE MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!

FUCKEN JERK-OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES IF SPOTS

The man is amazing...and seriously has some problems!!!

After I left my 2 post from yesterday I went about my business with work and everything and just as I was about to leave for the day a delivery came to my office. The most beautiful flowers in the world from the BIGGEST JERK in the world and attached to it was the most stupidest letter.

All talking about how I let my stupid ex -boyfriend from when I was in high school treat me like shit and I never called the cops on him; how could I do it to him. DUH I was 17 years old and so was he and I was young and stupid. But I made promise to myself that after him I would never let another man ever treat me like that again. And how much he misses me

To later that at around 12 am I get three messages from him about not speaking to our daughter before she went to bed. He should have called at early time then he would have known that she was over my grandmother's house and I had a writing assignment for the paper to do last night. But of course I have to be out Fucking half the world. That's what he thinks I do on my free time when I am not with my daughter.

What a fucken child!!!!

Now he is threatens to take my child support away let him I'll run his ass right back to court.

FUCK HIM!!!! FUCKING CHILD!!!!!

Well on a good note I have an interview for a bar today. I hope I get it!!!!

I think I will because it couldn't have come a better time!!!!

Peace & Love
And Happy 4th to Everyone