I AM SOOO SICK OF HIM TIRED OF HIM EVEN EXISTING

There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I am not reminded me of the shit head his is. I was getting my daughter ready this morning to go to my grandmother's house...you know getting her dolls together and stuff. And I go in to her bookbag I find two birthday cards from her dad both saying she is the love of his life and he will never love anyone as much as he loves her. But he'll torture her love ya that's really love.

Can you believe that that he actually believes that he has more of a part of bring our daughter into the world then me? Like the little bit of sperm that he released that night is way greater then having a human being inside you growing then pushing them out.

THE MAN ( MAN BEING USED LOOSELY) IS NUTS!!!!!!

To be honest I am really really tired of being broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There really isn't any help out there for single mothers and the dead beat dads out there. Like I really don't understand why they have any rights when they won't take care of there responsiblities and the mother is left to struggle on her own.



Every time I hear this song it makes me feel better so I thought I'd share it. I wish that I could play it for you


"Through With You"
By: Maroon 5

Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it

And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Do you remember
The way we used to melt
Do you remember how it felt
When I touched you
Oh cause I remember very well

And how long has it been
Since someone you let in
Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep
Do you dream I would be there
Just for a minute or two do you?

You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Heartache heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do I
called to let you know I'm through with you


Oh an on a happier note the interview that I did for Latina magazine well I got a quote in. I know it's just a quote but still it put a smile on my face!!!! : )

I HATE THAT PIECE OF SHIT WITH EVERY INCH OF MY BODY

WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS?

BECAUSE I AM WORKING...I AM THE RESPONSIBLE ADULT IN HER LIFE HE THINKS THAT HE CAN JUST SWOOP IN AND TAKE HER WHEN EVER HE WANTS!!!!!

GET A FUCKEN JOB YOU LOSER!!!!!!!!

I WOULD LOVE TO FIND HIM IN A DARK ALLEY I WOULD LOVE TO HIT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A MEDAL PIPE!!!!


I HATE HIM MORE AND MORE EVERYDAY.

I WISH HE WOULD JUST GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK MY DAUGHTER WILL BE BETTER OFF!!!!!!!

(***I JUST NEEDED TO VENT***)

On a happier note Saturday was my little girl's 7th birthday she looked so pretty. I can't believe that she's 7. To be honest I am counting the days until she goes back to school I will have a little more control in my life. Because I will be picking her up from school and dropping her off and I will have his ass locked up if he even tries to come near us when she's in school.

THE COUNT DOWN HAS BEGUN

Well I finally hauled my lazy ass to family court to file my papers against the JERK-OFF. And to be honest I hated being there. I was there for 6 hours and I am not exaggerating either. 6 FUCKEN LONG AS HOURS and the whole time I was there my haterd for the JERK-OFF grew more and more.

And believe it or not it looks like MR. JERK-OFF is going to get 5 years probation for the drug charge in Westchester. Can you believe it??? It's like the man (and I use the word man loosely) stepped in shit!!!!

When I found out that he was only going to get 5 year probation I knew that I was going to have a fight on my hands what with court and everything...and that is why I say that the COUNT DOWN HAS BEGUN!!!!

I have 22 more days until my birthday and 24 more days until I have to go back to court. And in that time I have to get my MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT ready for the fight. I have to be smarted and ready for anything because I know that he will try and fight dirty and break me; make me a reck. I will not let that happen to me again.

I wrote in my journal the other day that if there is one thing that I wil make sure that my daughter learns is this "IF THERE IS SOMETHING IN LIFE SHE WANT SHE IS GOING TO HAVE TO STAND UP AND GET IT BECAUSE NOTHING WILL BE HANDED TO HER!!!!"

MY STRENGTH WILL KILL THIS MAN (again loosely using the term Man)

NOT BREAKING MY SPIRIT

THERE IS NO WAY THAT PIECE OF SHIT OF AN EX MINE IS NOT BREAKING MY SPIRIT.


THAT IS MY THOUGHT FOR THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY POOR LITTLE GIRL AND THE FUCK HEAD THAT IS HER FATHER

I haven't written much because my mind has been too frazzled. Last Friday the JERK-OFF picked up my daughter from my grandmother's house and when the JERK-OFF dropped her off at she had come back upset and saying that she couldn't stay at my Grandma's house I had no idea what he had told her all I knew was that he told her something that made her very emotional that when I spoke to her she was telling that her head hurt and stomach too. When I spoke to her she honestly very emotional. And I knew that it was him but I couldn't get it out of her she didn't to talk in front of my grandmother either .

But on Saturday she was fine and very happy to go to my mother's house. It was on Sunday that my daughter finally spilled the beans andshe told me "Grandma doesn't like me." When I asked her who said that she wouldn't answer so I sat her down and told how much every one loved her including Grandma. And how much Grandma loves having her there.

And he did all this because he got wind of the fact that I was going to go out with my sister for her friend's B-Day. So he was basically mind fucking his 6 year old daughter. When I spoke to my daughter on Friday she soooo upset there was no way I could have gone out and had a good time.

He is a big piece of shit and I hate so much my daughter was soo upset that she didn't even want to talk him all weekend (on the phone).

He also told her not to tell me because Mommy will be mad her.

It gets better then I have my ASSHOLE of a brother in law have the nerve tell me on Saturday that he needs to talk to me about the JERK-OFF but it was my sister's birthday night so the last thing I wanted to was talk the JERK and all the crap he putting me and my daughter through. Now it's not even like I talk to my sister's husband honestly I can't stand him. So for him to think that he could have a heart to heart with me he stupid for thinking he could. So I told him that tonight was not the time to talk about the JERF-OFF but he then tells me that he doesn't care and that we are talking tonight so I told him that I simply wouldn't go out with them that night (even thought I was the one that set everything up) he said fine. So I hung up on him and called my younger sister to tell her I wasn't going of course she was pissed then everyone started to fight.

It was one fucked up weekend not to mention that I haven't gotten my child support and now I don't have the money to pay my rent this month $1000.00.

I am trying not to get depressed and keep a positive attitude but it's so hard.

I will say this that JERK-OFF did the worse thing trying to brainwash my daughter now I will do everything in my power to have the courts keep him away from her. FUCK HIM HE DOESN'T DESERVE A GREAT KID LIKE MY LITTLE GIRL!!!! I WOULD RATHER STAY BROKE THEN EVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH AGAIN!!!

I know that HATE is a strong word but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT MAN AND I HOPE HE GOES TO JAIL OR JUST DISAPPEARS FOREVER, MY DAUGHTER WILL BETTER OFF WITH OUT HIM IN HER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!