I BELIVE IT WAS ALL IN MY MIND

I must say I’m pissed off and after I blog this I am not going to bring it up anymore because honestly there won’t be no point.

I believed that I came from a very close family. I mean I have toyed with idea for relocation a few times but the thing that has stopped me from actually doing it is my family. I think about them and how fucked up it would be for them to miss out on my little one’s life. I thought it would be a little selfish of me.



I was invited this weekend to a surprise party for young sister who turned 26 on the 27th. I was happy to go and celebrate the day with her. So we did the usual thing when we saw her coming we all hushed and then yelled “SURPRISE!!!!” She looked beautiful a vision in white. At which point she then says.

“The surprise is on you guys cause we got married!”

So the smile that I had on my face for my sister’s birthday quickly disappeared.

Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t upset cause she got married. What pissed me off was the fact that I didn’t get to be there with her on her wedding day. I wasn’t there to help her get ready. I have been there for all my sister’s major events; 16th birthday, proms, school stuff etc. I was always her make-up artist. I was her excuse when she cheated on boyfriends. So why would she tell me?

And then at the party my older sister says “Well I only knew about them getting engaged.”

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT!

Then the next day I called a mutual friend of mine and my sister’s and he knew that they got married on the day that got married. And my sister’s girlfriend was her witness.

I told my sister I don’t know how many times that I would have been very hurt and upset if she got married without me because I missed my older sistergetting married BOTH times!!!! And she did it anyway.

I don’t understand why I could be her witness. What did she think that I couldn’t keep a secret; I’ve kept all her other secrets.

I really thought that we were close. I guess I was wrong. And my parents can’t even begin to understand why I’m bothered by it!

But that’s the way it’s always been with my parents they have always felt that I made a big deal out of nothing.

Like when my brother (adopted) was stealing money and jewelry from them and he blamed me I got my ass beat and punished and when they found out that it’s wasn’t me and it was him I never even got an I’m Sorry. Nope they just swept it under the rug. And to this day my father still gets upset when I tell that if I saw my brother in there house I would walk out. I want nothing to do with him.

When I was younger I really hated being around my family because either I got blamed for everything or I simply wasn’t included. After I had my daughter I kind-of forced family get togethers on them. I really wanted my daughter to have the whole big family thing.

But for what when it doesn’t even bother my sisters’ that they didn’t have my daughter; there ONLY niece at there wedding as there flower girl.

THERE IS NEVER DULL MOMENT

I must say that if I ever wrote about the story of my life that would have to be the title of it.

I haven’t been able to keep up with my blog page because things have been sooooo crazy but today I had to take time out and just get it all out.

Well I go back to court on the 20th to deal with MR. JERK-OFF which I must I think is going to come to end soon. Now if the asshole would just get a job so that my life can be a little easier. So hopefully this whole court thing will come to end soon.

Then I have to go to court on the 24th to fight that credit card bull crap. Which honestly I don’t have the time or money to do this.

My grandmother the one that I count on for everything is in PR for the next month. Which is great for her cause lord knows she could use a break. But her being gone has been hard on me cause I don’t have anyone to help me with the baby.

Now here’s the cherry on my cake…my boss is moving my office to Long Island. Isn’t that great!!! He is moving actually 45 minutes away from house but I don’t drive so it might as well be a million miles away.

I know that God has a plan for me but Lord give me a break. Can you let me catch my breath before you throw another at me?

I know that everything happens for a reason…but what is it? Maybe to light a fire under my ass for all the things that I have procrastinating with.