Friday, November 03, 2006


It’s 5am and I am awake…but it’s no big surprise to me not after the day I have had.

Life has been great for me thus far…I have been planning for the wine tasting putting a few things second like the planning of My Business, my novel and well I guess I can be a little bit more aggressive with the Diva School. So now that I am typing this I guess it is good that it happened. I just don’t like the way it happened.


Sorry my mind wondered off a minute thinking about the day.

Allow me to start off by saying that the man who pays my salary is very good man with a great heart. Some times his business sense I have to question. But there is this guy I have to work with I will call him a FAT COCK-BLOCKER; who yes has been in the business a little longer then me but it’s still sales and I’ve been doing it my whole life. SELLING IS MY SHIT!!!!!

So I have been booking the appointments for my wine tastings and things have been fine. This is until today. For the past few days FAT COCK-BLOCKER has been bitching about the fact that he wants more tastings done. So I hired my friend to help me this way I can still get money if I am paying her rather some girl coming in and me losing money and possible my job.

Which bothered FAT-COCK BLOCKER cause I think her promised some girl he would get the job that I have on the weekends. So now he went to my boss and convinced him that he should be the ones booking the appointments.

He even tried to make it seem like maybe I wasn’t really out there. Isn’t that fucked up?

And then today on the phone him and I got into an argument about the appointments he started yelling at me on the phone like if I was his child or he was my boss. And know one yells at me.

Now I have sat in my house all day waiting for him to bring me my samples so that I do my tastings this weekend and he choice to call me at 10pm to say that he would be here in like 20 minutes. So I told him no it was too late not after he had me waiting all day, yelled at me on the phone and the put some crazy shit into my boss’ head.

I know what he is up too; I’ve been through it a million times before he’s going to try and me miserable so that I give up quit and then he can bring in his girl.

Well FUCK THAT AND FUCK HIM!!!! And just despite him I am not going to give up (also cause I’m a quitter) but I’ll show him and GOD help him if down the road I my permit to sell wine I will run his ass out the Bronx.

But first things first. I have to make my number go through the roof (promotion wise).

I just have to make sure that no other girls get hired if there not through me. CAUSE FUCK HIM I’M NOT LET HIM GET THAT!!!!

But I can’t help but wonder if part of this is my fault cause I have been talking about my plans now that I was feeling comfortable. And it blown up and that always happen when I tell too many people of my plans.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Negativity is a Disease (A 2 day Blog cause I've been soo busy)

I have done something crazy…but nothing as crazy as my father is making it out to be as if I committed a crime. And this is what I mean about my father well my family in general they treat me as if I have no brain in my head.
Here is what made my father flip out me:

Her name is Blondie and she is the sweetest thing is the world. I should have named her Chrissy Snow from “Three’s Company” because there are so many times she reminds of her. Dumb (in a sweet way like when she sees herself in the mirror she gets confused or the fact that she always trips down my two little stairs) yet smart at times because she can follow some commands already.

I have had her already for two weeks, she doesn’t bark and is house trained. And when I looked into her blue eyes I couldn’t say no when she was given to me. They had sold her brothers and sisters for $800 and I got her for free.

I know that an apartment is no place for a dog that will grow to be that big but I do not plan on staying in this apartment after my lease is up. I can’t keep on paying these high ass rents and not own it. And I have been thinking about high school for my daughter and as much as I love living in the Bronx I’m not crazy about the High Schools.

But I can’t and won’t tell my father or anyone else in my family of any of my plans. They can’t picture me not living my life in my make shift two-bedroom apt and living on food stamps.

My father won’t even give me credit for still making money from home after I have lost my job.

But I’m proud of myself because usually I would argue with him and try get him to see things at least a little bit my way. But this time I didn’t I just yes him and then hung up.

But it did really bother me how upset he got he acted as if I got the dog just despite like I got her just to piss him off. Which I have no idea why he would say that. And all he could talk about is how she a Bit-bull and they are vicious dogs.

Now that right there would have caused the old me to defend my dog but instead I said nothing I just let him finish and then hung up. Which I think pissed him off more.

I think a dog is as vicious as their owner makes them.

I love my dog and I know that I DID NOT make a mistake taking her in my home.


I woke up thing morning still feeling my father negativity hanging over me. Some might say that I should have stood up for what I believe and what I want. But to be honest I am sooooo tired of fighting. I mean I refuse to role over and do something that I don’t wan to do. But honestly what is the point of trying to get people to see me for who I am when they are soo closed minded. They are just going to see me the way they want anyway.

I just simply refuse to aggravate myself with people that won’t even try to open their mind even a little bit.

My father is type of man that believes that he will one day win the lotto and this way he can retire early and just lay around the house and do what he wants. That dream for a more realistic then lets say me starting my own small business from home, or me getting my novel publish and me make it as a writer.

I believe the best way to just prove them all wrong is to just do everything that I know I can do and just not tell them shit until I have done it. (which is what I am doing)

I love my father and my family but honestly they can all kiss my ass if all they want to see me is as a needy woman that will never make it because they will be sadly mistaken.

All I have to say to myself is this one thing…