Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy New Year Bloggers!!!

There is only a few minutes until 2006 is over and 2007 will be here. And I am sitting here in my living room I am thinking of the things that I want to change for the New Year to come. 2006 was a tough year but I got through it with my head held high. I may not have gotten all my resolution done but I did get some done:

1. I got the court crap done
2. I quit smoking

And to be honest two is better then none…so 2007’s promises are as followed:

1. Finish my novel (I’m in Chapter 13)
2. Get my Business us and running (EVERYONE REMEMBER "SunnyNites Ent." WE WILL BE THE PARTY PLACE!!!!)
3. Buy my house
4. Learn how to drive.
5. Blog more often

I have had so much hard time it’s time for some g times. And it’s not like I’m expecting it to be handled to me…no, no, no I plan on working hard for it!!!!

Like I always anything worth having is worth fighting for.

And a new life is worth fighting for; for me and my daughter.

Happy New Year Bloggers!!!! May 2007 being you all the Miracles & Blessings we ALL DESERVE!!!!!

P.S. and not for nothing I would really love this war to end this year!!!!!!


Friday, November 03, 2006


It’s 5am and I am awake…but it’s no big surprise to me not after the day I have had.

Life has been great for me thus far…I have been planning for the wine tasting putting a few things second like the planning of My Business, my novel and well I guess I can be a little bit more aggressive with the Diva School. So now that I am typing this I guess it is good that it happened. I just don’t like the way it happened.


Sorry my mind wondered off a minute thinking about the day.

Allow me to start off by saying that the man who pays my salary is very good man with a great heart. Some times his business sense I have to question. But there is this guy I have to work with I will call him a FAT COCK-BLOCKER; who yes has been in the business a little longer then me but it’s still sales and I’ve been doing it my whole life. SELLING IS MY SHIT!!!!!

So I have been booking the appointments for my wine tastings and things have been fine. This is until today. For the past few days FAT COCK-BLOCKER has been bitching about the fact that he wants more tastings done. So I hired my friend to help me this way I can still get money if I am paying her rather some girl coming in and me losing money and possible my job.

Which bothered FAT-COCK BLOCKER cause I think her promised some girl he would get the job that I have on the weekends. So now he went to my boss and convinced him that he should be the ones booking the appointments.

He even tried to make it seem like maybe I wasn’t really out there. Isn’t that fucked up?

And then today on the phone him and I got into an argument about the appointments he started yelling at me on the phone like if I was his child or he was my boss. And know one yells at me.

Now I have sat in my house all day waiting for him to bring me my samples so that I do my tastings this weekend and he choice to call me at 10pm to say that he would be here in like 20 minutes. So I told him no it was too late not after he had me waiting all day, yelled at me on the phone and the put some crazy shit into my boss’ head.

I know what he is up too; I’ve been through it a million times before he’s going to try and me miserable so that I give up quit and then he can bring in his girl.

Well FUCK THAT AND FUCK HIM!!!! And just despite him I am not going to give up (also cause I’m a quitter) but I’ll show him and GOD help him if down the road I my permit to sell wine I will run his ass out the Bronx.

But first things first. I have to make my number go through the roof (promotion wise).

I just have to make sure that no other girls get hired if there not through me. CAUSE FUCK HIM I’M NOT LET HIM GET THAT!!!!

But I can’t help but wonder if part of this is my fault cause I have been talking about my plans now that I was feeling comfortable. And it blown up and that always happen when I tell too many people of my plans.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Negativity is a Disease (A 2 day Blog cause I've been soo busy)

I have done something crazy…but nothing as crazy as my father is making it out to be as if I committed a crime. And this is what I mean about my father well my family in general they treat me as if I have no brain in my head.
Here is what made my father flip out me:

Her name is Blondie and she is the sweetest thing is the world. I should have named her Chrissy Snow from “Three’s Company” because there are so many times she reminds of her. Dumb (in a sweet way like when she sees herself in the mirror she gets confused or the fact that she always trips down my two little stairs) yet smart at times because she can follow some commands already.

I have had her already for two weeks, she doesn’t bark and is house trained. And when I looked into her blue eyes I couldn’t say no when she was given to me. They had sold her brothers and sisters for $800 and I got her for free.

I know that an apartment is no place for a dog that will grow to be that big but I do not plan on staying in this apartment after my lease is up. I can’t keep on paying these high ass rents and not own it. And I have been thinking about high school for my daughter and as much as I love living in the Bronx I’m not crazy about the High Schools.

But I can’t and won’t tell my father or anyone else in my family of any of my plans. They can’t picture me not living my life in my make shift two-bedroom apt and living on food stamps.

My father won’t even give me credit for still making money from home after I have lost my job.

But I’m proud of myself because usually I would argue with him and try get him to see things at least a little bit my way. But this time I didn’t I just yes him and then hung up.

But it did really bother me how upset he got he acted as if I got the dog just despite like I got her just to piss him off. Which I have no idea why he would say that. And all he could talk about is how she a Bit-bull and they are vicious dogs.

Now that right there would have caused the old me to defend my dog but instead I said nothing I just let him finish and then hung up. Which I think pissed him off more.

I think a dog is as vicious as their owner makes them.

I love my dog and I know that I DID NOT make a mistake taking her in my home.


I woke up thing morning still feeling my father negativity hanging over me. Some might say that I should have stood up for what I believe and what I want. But to be honest I am sooooo tired of fighting. I mean I refuse to role over and do something that I don’t wan to do. But honestly what is the point of trying to get people to see me for who I am when they are soo closed minded. They are just going to see me the way they want anyway.

I just simply refuse to aggravate myself with people that won’t even try to open their mind even a little bit.

My father is type of man that believes that he will one day win the lotto and this way he can retire early and just lay around the house and do what he wants. That dream for a more realistic then lets say me starting my own small business from home, or me getting my novel publish and me make it as a writer.

I believe the best way to just prove them all wrong is to just do everything that I know I can do and just not tell them shit until I have done it. (which is what I am doing)

I love my father and my family but honestly they can all kiss my ass if all they want to see me is as a needy woman that will never make it because they will be sadly mistaken.

All I have to say to myself is this one thing…


Tuesday, October 10, 2006


I would have to say that after this weekend I have no idea who my sisters are or what goes through there heads. The emails from my younger sister on my myspace page didn’t stop as a matter of fact I still have to reply to her last email. Which she basically said she had no secrets and that the reason she hasn’t called me was because she knew I was upset about her getting married.

Now that is how small minded my sister is she thinks that is reason why I am upset with her. She not even thinking about how she kept it from me and told my older sister, and her ex and friends of hers before she told me.

She also had the nerve to tell me that she hasn’t call me because she knew I was upset with her eloping and she was waiting for me to get over it. The girl pisses me off.

I mean really did she expect me to call her a few days after her announcement and bitch…NO I wasn’t doing that for what? So she can go back to everyone in the family and all her friends and say “You see my sister can’t even be happy for me!”

Mind you I would be happy for her if she did it for all the right reasons. Instead of getting married for whatever reason she did it for; to then cheat on him. It makes no sense to me.

And I know she looking for me to get upset and loss my temper but I refuse to do that and give her that satisfaction.
Now all I have to do is get her to stop trying to tell me how to run my life because honestly I don’t see her doing such a good job with hers.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Some people have the BIGGEST balls in the world.

Some people have the BIGGEST balls in the world.

I have a myspace page (which I barely use) so anyway my sister (the one that got married with anyone) found my page and requested me to be her friend. And about the only thing I know how to do on myspace is say “yes” the friend request. This was Tuesday night and last night she sent me another message saying, “You really shouldn’t let IDIOTS be your friends”. Now I know why she said that because one of the things one on myspace is that you can see who my friends are. And I have about 10 people on it and I think 3 of them I don’t even know who they are but one of them is MR. JERK-OFF. That’s were we email each other; not a big deal. Well, except for her that is.

Instead of her asking me why is up there she would rather leave me stupid message that the whole world can read.

And the thing that really pisses me (well there are a few reasons why it pissed me off) is that I haven’t spoken to her since my birthday on September 10th. She doesn’t call me anymore or come or visit and she got married and didn’t care how anyone felt…she did what she wanted, the way she wanted and didn’t care what anyone thought or said about it. So what the hell give her the right to make comments about anything in my life?

And I know why she didn’t tell me about her getting married and I also know why she hasn’t picked up the phone to call me either…she knows that if she would have told me about her getting married I would have questioned her.

Now don’t get me wrong I may not be the biggest fan of marriage but I would never tell someone not to get married…to each there own. But I would have questioned her decision because for as long as they (my sister & her husband) I have never seen love for him her eyes. Don’t get me wrong I know she cares deeply about him and she may love him but she has NEVER been in-love with him.

How do I know this you may ask?

Well I’ll tell you how I know she cheated on him (her husband) about a million times with her ex. And I just found out that about a week or two later after she got married she cheated on him again with her ex. So what was the point of getting married?

And if she had told me about her getting married I would have asked her “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I thought you always said that you wanted to have your own apt first before you got married.” (She told me that. She said that she didn’t want to live with someone than get married not without knowing what it was like to be on her own)
“And what about your ex (the one she keeps sleeping with)?”

And there would be know why she could answer any of those questions and then I would have asked her “Are you sure you really want to this?”

I am waiting to see if she has anything to say after my reply; which was simple “What are you talking?” I didn’t let her know I knew what she was talking about MR. JERK-OFF.

People are just not happy unless they’re in my business.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A WOMAN WEARING MANY HATS (but I'm just as happy as she looks)

So I am on the LIRR on my way into Huntington to help out at my boss’s new office. And the ride is about 50 minutes so I will update my blog on the trip.

I was asked yesterday what I am doing for work now that I am working from home (well except for a couple of days of this week and next cause I promised my boss to help out at the new office.) So here we go; on the weekends I promote my boss’s wines I pretty good money doing that and I work usually Thursday night, Friday night and Saturday night.

I also work from home for a company called Diva School. I am there Business Manager. What we do you might ask? We teach women the art of striptease. (I found this job on Craig’s list believe it or not.) These two women started this business for bachelorette parties. My job is to book events and my job is bring in more business; they want to do it in more a classes way (and there is no nudity just in case you were wondering)

So I am doing two things that I find interesting Wine and Give Women back there sense sensuality. And I get do it all from my house which is a plus in it’s self.

So I am getting myself settled with this two jobs and once I can do it both with my eyes closed I will start on my business. Which because of the two companies I work for I thought I would open up my own entertainment company geared around Wine Tastings.

And on top of that I am in the middle of 11th chapter of my novel. And you know what I find funny…when I say “I’m in 11th chapter I always get the same question thrown at me. “Damn how many chapters is it going to be?”

To which I usually reply the same way “Um hello it’s a novel.”

My goal is to learn how to make a really cool myspace page for my business.

So I have been a very busy bee but I don’t mind.

(But to my landlord and lawyer I am unemployed just so they won’t put pressure on me.)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Day 2

It has been 2 days since I started working from home and I have to admit I really like it. Now I don’t think my landlord is going to like it because now I don’t get paid like I use too. I use to get paid so that I could pay my rent at least by the 10th now it’s going to take at least to the end of month. But I know that I really get this to work for me.

I am like my own boss…I don’t have to answer to almost anyone. I have to master both this wine tasting thing and the diva school thing (My jobs) and then I can work on making MORE money with the both of them.

But I must say I really like this. Yesterday I was able to work booking some parties, washed 3 loads of laundry and went to my wine tasting.

It was great!

Monday, September 04, 2006


I believe that some were along the way the men that I know and get involved with loss their mind. Maybe it’s something I do, or say or maybe a smell I give off but they all seem to loss their mind.

I just got my idiot ex off my back and got him to start acting normal and now I have to deal with my idiot bed buddy going crazy. Well, I’ll say this much I will not!!!!

It started on Friday night…
I told him on about two months ago that I needed sometime to think. And all the fighting we did didn’t help me to think things through. I need sometime; with no sex and no fighting. The whole idea pissed him off but I didn’t care I needed it. Well that’s when he decided to start calling my cell phone and house phone at all hours of the night and leave me a million text messages. It was soo bad that my cell phone got disconnected because I went over on my text messaging minutes and couldn’t pay for them. And in away I didn’t mind cause he was driving me crazy!!!!. Then one night he showed up at my front door unannounced. Well that was a big NO, NO. He didn’t know if my daughter was home or not and considering I never let him hang out in my house when my daughter was home…what the hell made him think that I was going to let him so that we can get into a fight with her home.
(Well she wasn’t home but it was the principal of him not knowing if she was home or not)

I felt like he was suffocating me. So rather then me just taking time I just told him that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Well like two months have passed and I hadn’t heard anything, which for me was great. Then about a week ago I got an email from him tell me that a mutual friend of ours was getting married. Now I would have loved to have gone to the wedding but I couldn’t for a few reasons:
1. the business I’m starting is mostly on the weekends so I can’t.
2. I don’t want to go with someone who is just going to fight with me or just sit and sulk.
3. I don’t have the money to go and buy a dress and shit like that.
4. and going with him would lead him on and I’m not for that.

So I said no, which in I ended up getting a week’s worth of calls and text messages again. Asking me things like how could I not care anymore? How can I go from seeing him to not seeing him? Crap like that.

Then Friday night he showed up again at my house with me inviting him. I must have told him a million times that him being this pushing is a BIG TURN OFF!!!!! And him being so pushy isn’t going to get me back either.
Like I said before the men I know are all nuts!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 02, 2006


Things for me have been going pretty good. Considering my boss is moving on the 20th of September.

But I am looking at differently not like what is this man doing to me? What am I going to do? Oh woo is me…poor Mica.

No I’m looking at like this is my time.

I started that part time job from my home it’s called the Diva And what it is teach women the art of stripe tease. Which I think awesome. I love the idea of teaching women how to be sexy and having fun with it. And I can do it from home which it even better. And this little business was started by two young women like in there 30’s. Which got me to thinking about my idea for the Bronx. (I won’t talk about it yet.) Shhh

But I started thinking about myself and my daughter and how I owe it her to try and do this and finish my book.

So I’m really going to put my all in this just like I have been with my book; which by the way I’m in my 11th chapter. Computer

And like the Queen of R&B Mary J Blige says "You Can't Keep A Good Woman Down!"

Tuesday, August 29, 2006


Allow me by start off by saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE BABY GIRL!!!! My beautiful little girl turned 8 years old this weekend. So I m the proud mommy of an 8 year old. It kind of freaks me out that one day I’m going to turn around and I am going to have teenage daughter one day. I love being a mother; I love being her mother.

But I will never throw another party with my family again. They really pissed me off. I was going to throw my daughter’s party in the park by my house but because of the rain I had to change it at the last to Chucky Cheese. Which I must say I hate that place. It loud and it can get crazy; not to mention that the place is expensive. My parents know after all the crap I’ve been through with court and that credit card crap that my money is tight. I told them that I didn’t have a lot of money.

I swear the money the food arrived (which took forever for it to get there) my father dived into the food. Mind he told my mother “Let’s have a big breakfast this way we don’t have to eat.” And he was the first driving me crazy about the food and soda. My whole family jumped at the food that by the time the kids came back to the table there was no more pizza.

Fucked up huh?!

I had to order another pie just for them. My daughter was upset that she had to wait. What I don’t get is why did the adults buy their own food considering they all know about my money problems?????

And the answer to that question is simple…MR. JERK-OFF was there. And when he’s around they want him to pay for everything. They don’t care that I’ve told them about a million times that he’s crying poverty and even if he did have money he’s NOT going to let me know it. They enjoy seeing me going off on him and I wasn’t about to do that not on my daughter birthday.

After the food I just wanted to end the party so it was cake time and presents time. So as I am cutting the cake I had my mother calling every 5 minutes to just repeat the same thing over and over. They were driving m crazy.

And the whole time MR. JERK-OFF is watching and what does he tell me “I see your family hasn’t changed when it comes to you.”

And what he meant by that is this…I have the ONLY grandchild in the family and when it come my family that doesn’t matter to them. They don’t go out of the way to see her or call her or anything. My mother was trying to get out of buy her a birthday gift. So you would think that because she is the only grandchild they would do more but they don’t.

I tell you I was SuperMom on Sunday.

I will say this next year I’m doing something else for her. Something just for her and her friends and if my family wants to do something they can do it themselves…cause I’ve had it

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


I found this website for people who want to start there business and one of things on the site is this thing called "MY LIFE PLAN". So I filled it out and decided to put it my blog.

My current status:
Quality rating of my life on a scale of 1-100, with 100 being best
Realities of my life - responsibilities, funds available, expenses
My daughter and maintaining a happy and healthy home
  • My funds are low - credit bad
  • My expenses are almost double what I make

Things that make me happy
Writing and having the freedom of being there for my daughter
Things that make me unhappy
Owing money and not having food in frig
My ideal life:
Owning my own home
Being a published writer
Starting my own business
Being able to take my daughter on vacations
My loves: what I really like doing
Having Fun (Hanging with my girls)
Spending time with my daughter; relaxing
→ My skills & capabilities: what I do well
People Skills
My track record: what I have experience doing
People Skills
Wine Business
My ideal work style
Relaxed environment
Being able to give something back
To make enough money that I don't have to worry every month about how am I going to this bill or my rent and to get off Food Stamps

My manifesto Â…outline your personal mission and your values in this section, and wrap this into a statement no longer than one page. This statement of purpose and what drives you should encompass all of the information you've outlined in the previous sections.

I want to be able to home enough for my daughter so that she knows that she has asolide support systemm. I also want her to see that hard work will get anything you dream of; no dream is too big. I want her to that she doesn't just have to work for someone. But I also want her to that for everything you get in life you should always give something back.
Key moves to get me where I want to go
Getting off my ass
Quit being Scared
Finish my novel
Don't listen to the negativity that is always thrown at me because know one has lived my life
Take my life MORE seriously

Monday, August 21, 2006


(this card means New Beginning)

Well I am finally done with all my court crap. And let me tell you that I am happy bitch (and I won again). MR. JERK-OFF has to give $150.00 a week in Child Support. Which now he’s all worried as to how he is going to come up with money but that’s not my problem. Oh I have an idea “GET A JOB!!” Now, I can worry about paying my lawyer.

You would think that the people in my family (Mostly my father the most negative man on the face of this earth) would be happy for me. But of course he wasn’t. He thinks that I did nothing but gave MR. JERK-OFF time to get his shit together. UM hasn’t he been paying attention that’s all I want is for him to get his shit together.

My father believes that I should have taken his parental right away…like I can really do that. I can’t just go to court and say, “I want to take his parental rights away!” I mean they have criminals in jail who still have right s to see their kids. They are not going to take my daughter away from him just because I say so and he has a criminal background. My father also thinks that I should have asked for more money. I explained to my father that it’s not up to me what I get it’s up to the court. But of course I have NO IDEA what I am talking about and he does…cause he of course has been a single mother and has gone through the system. My father can be such a pain in the ass.

Over the weekend I went to my older sister’s house for something called a crab boil. Now let me be honest I haven’t really wanted to be around my sister’s since my younger sister’s wedding thing. I hate the fact that they keep secrets from me. Not to mention my older sister always acts like I’m some kind of embarrassment when she’s around her friends. Everything I say she rolls her eyes at and makes fun of so I really wasn’t up for being there. But I went cause my mother made and my daughter wanted to go. But I kept my distance but when I left saw that my older sister had a professional picture of my younger sister from her wedding day. I was about to flip out but instead I just put the picture down and walked out. And in the car on the way home I asked my mother if she got one and my mother said no.

I have no idea what is going on with my younger sister or was I did to her. And to be honest at this point I don’t really feel like asking either.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


I did something last night I never did before…I went to Bryant Park for their movie in the park. I have always wanted to that to but I have been so busy and crazy lately that I really haven’t had time to do anything do for me.

I have to admit that it was pretty cool. I saw And next Monday is the last night of movie festival and if weather permits I’m going to that one too.

There is something else I really want to do to and the Shakespeare in the Park but at one requires $$$$ and that is something I don’t have.

Tomorrow is another court day this is one is about Child Support. I can’t wait for this crap to end.

Friday, August 11, 2006


There are times when I forget that I am in control of my life…yes God may put obstacles in front of us all the time but what I forgot is that He don’t give us anything that we can’t handle.

So I’m not sure if I mentioned this before but I won the visitation case against MR. JERK-OFF and I went to court the other day for the credit card bullshit well I won that. The damn company didn’t even the application with my signature on it or any purchases that were made on the card. So the judge threw the case out and ordered them to return my money.

So 2 court cases down and 1 to go.

I was thinking about my situation what with my job and maybe just maybe it was God’s way of tell me “Mica you’re getting comfortable and you’re letting your dreams slip away”

Tuesday, August 08, 2006


So speaking with my boss and doing the research I won’t be going with him at the end of September. And I’m pissed because I finally found myself a job I liked something that didn’t take me from my daughter and now I have to give it up.

I have worked for other people and me being a single mother doesn’t work for them but what they don’t understand is that she comes first and always will. My mind is running like crazy right now with questions; like “What am I going to do?” “What am I going to for money until I find a job?” “Will be able to pay my rent when the time comes? (Cause it’s not like I can start a nest egg not with all the money I owe) “And why won’t the piece of shit asshole I call an ex get a job!?” “Will I be able to collect unemployment?”

I’m so depressed right now and I really don’t want to be but that’s the only emotion I know right nowFeeling Blue

Monday, August 07, 2006


I went on interview this weekend for a pretty cool company. It would be on part time bases which is fine with me (which I REALLY, REALLY hope I get). And then after my interview I sat in Cosi’s on Broadway & 13th working my novel and I sat there I really wished that I had my camera with me. There were so many pictures that I wanted to take. I looked at how some of the people were dressed on beautiful Saturday afternoon. I always found it so interesting how the people of New York (and I mean in the city) are like snow flakes…meaning you’ll never see two people looking the same. But now if you go to the Bronx every guy and every girl looks and sounds the same. I guess that’s why I love being in the city.

Finally a friend of my mine showed up and we went for a walk. We walked through the outside flea markets. I looked at all the things I wished I could have bought. We then ended up in the village which is my FAVORITE place in the city. I WOULD LOVE, LOVE to live there. I look up at the windows and wish one was mine. All in all it was nice day. I had fun.

My weekend was pretty quiet because after my visit to the city I hide in my grandmother’s house with my daughter and enjoyed the silence. Now everyone in my family knows that since my grandmother has been in PR that on Saturdays I take my daughter there. When I got home Sunday night there wasn’t a single phone call from my family not a one. I haven’t spoken to my younger sister since the night of her party. Time has pasted and I’m over my sister’s wedding thing. You know whatever…

This morning I woke up and it really bothered me that I haven’t heard from anyone in while. If I don’t pick up the phone and call them they won’t. Now that’s some what expectable from a friends but family??? I don’t think so.

So on my way to work today I couldn’t stop thinking about that…how my family never calls me, never look for me or my daughter. Honestly they only look for her when they get wind that MR. JERK-OFF’S Family is looking for her. And it’s been that way since she was born.

My thoughts went back to a time when I wasn’t close to my family and this all started pretty much when my adopted my brothers moved in. I got lost in the shuffle of kids. But after my daughter was born I really wanted the whole close family thing. And I realize now that maybe it was all just one-sided. (This is not including my grandmother & aunt; they have always been there for me since I was a little girl I went with them everywhere)

Which then got me to thinking; “Every decision I make in my life I think first about how they (my mother, father & sisters) would feel about.” And why should I keep doing that when they obviously don’t stop to think about how there decisions could affect my daughter & me.

For example X-mas & News Years Eve they have left town plenty of time and didn’t stop and think about how her or I would feel about not spending the holiday with them. The same for my little ones b-day; they messed a few her birthdays and this is the ONLY child in the family.

So as I have done with the men in my life I am going to do with my family. I have to keep putting me and my little ahead of EVERYONE INCLUDING MY FAMILY!!!!

Monday, July 31, 2006


I must say I’m pissed off and after I blog this I am not going to bring it up anymore because honestly there won’t be no point.

I believed that I came from a very close family. I mean I have toyed with idea for relocation a few times but the thing that has stopped me from actually doing it is my family. I think about them and how fucked up it would be for them to miss out on my little one’s life. I thought it would be a little selfish of me.

I was invited this weekend to a surprise party for young sister who turned 26 on the 27th. I was happy to go and celebrate the day with her. So we did the usual thing when we saw her coming we all hushed and then yelled “SURPRISE!!!!” She looked beautiful a vision in white. At which point she then says.

“The surprise is on you guys cause we got married!”

So the smile that I had on my face for my sister’s birthday quickly disappeared.

Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t upset cause she got married. What pissed me off was the fact that I didn’t get to be there with her on her wedding day. I wasn’t there to help her get ready. I have been there for all my sister’s major events; 16th birthday, proms, school stuff etc. I was always her make-up artist. I was her excuse when she cheated on boyfriends. So why would she tell me?

And then at the party my older sister says “Well I only knew about them getting engaged.”


Then the next day I called a mutual friend of mine and my sister’s and he knew that they got married on the day that got married. And my sister’s girlfriend was her witness.

I told my sister I don’t know how many times that I would have been very hurt and upset if she got married without me because I missed my older sistergetting married BOTH times!!!! And she did it anyway.

I don’t understand why I could be her witness. What did she think that I couldn’t keep a secret; I’ve kept all her other secrets.

I really thought that we were close. I guess I was wrong. And my parents can’t even begin to understand why I’m bothered by it!

But that’s the way it’s always been with my parents they have always felt that I made a big deal out of nothing.

Like when my brother (adopted) was stealing money and jewelry from them and he blamed me I got my ass beat and punished and when they found out that it’s wasn’t me and it was him I never even got an I’m Sorry. Nope they just swept it under the rug. And to this day my father still gets upset when I tell that if I saw my brother in there house I would walk out. I want nothing to do with him.

When I was younger I really hated being around my family because either I got blamed for everything or I simply wasn’t included. After I had my daughter I kind-of forced family get togethers on them. I really wanted my daughter to have the whole big family thing.

But for what when it doesn’t even bother my sisters’ that they didn’t have my daughter; there ONLY niece at there wedding as there flower girl.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I must say that if I ever wrote about the story of my life that would have to be the title of it.

I haven’t been able to keep up with my blog page because things have been sooooo crazy but today I had to take time out and just get it all out.

Well I go back to court on the 20th to deal with MR. JERK-OFF which I must I think is going to come to end soon. Now if the asshole would just get a job so that my life can be a little easier. So hopefully this whole court thing will come to end soon.

Then I have to go to court on the 24th to fight that credit card bull crap. Which honestly I don’t have the time or money to do this.

My grandmother the one that I count on for everything is in PR for the next month. Which is great for her cause lord knows she could use a break. But her being gone has been hard on me cause I don’t have anyone to help me with the baby.

Now here’s the cherry on my cake…my boss is moving my office to Long Island. Isn’t that great!!! He is moving actually 45 minutes away from house but I don’t drive so it might as well be a million miles away.

I know that God has a plan for me but Lord give me a break. Can you let me catch my breath before you throw another at me?

I know that everything happens for a reason…but what is it? Maybe to light a fire under my ass for all the things that I have procrastinating with.

Monday, June 26, 2006


This is a question that I will be researching while I am on my sabbatical “Is it possible for a man to change from the dumb shit that they once were to an actual GOOD man?”

This question has come up because you know when every once in while you get that ex that comes sniffing back. And well is it possible that he learned his lesson when he lost you and changed or is he still the same idiot that you left a long time ago?
This is what happens when your dateless on the weekend and your mind begins to wonder plus it didn’t help that I watched “The Breakup” this weekend.

It was a pretty good movie the only thing I didn’t get is why people left the movie theater fighting their partners. It was just a movie but it did make you stop and think about your current relationships or past ones. And that’s all I’ll say cause I’m not ruining the end.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I think that’s were it all begins with me. I allow people (mostly men) to do that to me and I have only myself to blame is me for that.

The past few days I have been dealing with overly dramatic men who believe the world will come to end if I stop having sex. And since the drama has began I have forgotten to return phones because I am too busy dealing with some guy and his tears, I have been too tired to work on my novel cause by the time I am done with them on the phone I am too tired to even think let alone write. And every man that I know (well the ones that I’m intimate with) are all jealous of my writing. They hate me being on the computer and swear that the only place should be in is the kitchen and the bedroom. SEXIST BIGS!!!!!

Just once I would like a man to be interested in my writing and me and what makes me happy.

I guess that’s the whole point of my Sexual Sabbatical. To find myself and what makes me happy.

The things I plan for me while I am on Sabbatical:


And I plan on doing all of this without a man.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Bad Breakup


Well I have told all the guys that I have been dating (which is not all that many) that I am going on a Sexual Sabbatical.

One took it rather well but he did act like Disney World was closing down forever and now he wants ones last ride before it closes.

And my bed-buddy acted like the world was coming to an end. He even went as far as to say that he was jumping out of his sister’s second story window. Now I told him I was home with my daughter and couldn’t leave. So the threat (which wasn’t much of a threat not to mention I didn’t believe it) pissed me off and what would have happened if he did it; he’d most likely break an arm or a leg. Well he’d deserve it after being such a big selfish baby.

I hate to sound cold or heartless but that was really fucked up what did he expect me to do run out of my house with my daughter and pull her into the middle of the drama that he started. HELL NO!!!!
But then he tell me that if I really wanted to make changes in my life instead of giving up the sex thing I should stop drinking and smoking. And that really pissed me off because who the hell is to talk when he spends anywhere between $100-$200 on weed a week and at least $80 a week on cigarettes a week. Now what do I buy 1 pack of cigarettes that last me at least a week unless he’s in my house and smokes all my cigarettes. And whenever I do buy weed I spend $20 and that last me a week as well. And I don’t wish that I didn’t have to go to work so that I can sit home and smoke my brains out; that’s him.

And two glasses of wine at night isn’t a lot. But that was his way of trying to manipulate me which I hate that. So I told him off and after him saying that and that he was going to jump out of the window I just simply refused to answer my phone when he called again

So this morning when I got up I had 3 messages on my house phone, 15 text messages on my cell phone and 4 voice messages on my cell phone. THE GUY’S NUTS!!!! But the best is that one of his messages was and I quote:

“Hey I just got some weed I thought I’d come by your house so we can smoke and maybe I can go down on the kitty “ 12am (Kitty = my kitty cat you know what I mean)

Now what in the conversation that we had all day lead him to believe that I would have agreed to any of that especially at 12 am and I have my daughter at home with me who was sleeping in my bed too and I have work in the morning.
I know he’s someone I’m not call after I am done with my Sabbatical.

He’s should be happy I didn’t dump him like the video above this post. ( I couldn't fuigure out how to link to this post)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006



I have the most beautiful little kitty cat in the world. He's not like a breed or anything like that but he's gray and white in some lights he looks a little lavender. His name is Jimmy. I have had him since he was a baby. I love him to pieces but there is a dark side he dislikes my daughter and I got him for her.

This morning he attacked her because I wouldn't let him stay in her room. So as soon as he saw her walking by he jumped her leg. Which pissed me off and he knew it and then took off running so that I couldn't catch. Now she angry at him and wants me to get rid of him.

Now there is no man in this world that I would ever choose over my daughter but for the life of me I can't get rid of him. I spent money on him and I really do love him. What am suppose to do?

I love when I am home alone like when my daughter goes to her father's or my grandmother's he sleeps with me and loves ours time home alone. I believe that his problem with my daughter is that he's jealous of her. I've tried to get them to get close but ever since the first time he started attacking her she won't go near him.

I need like a cat whisperer or something!!!!!

Monday, June 12, 2006


Something just popped in my mind as I sit here watching Wide Swap. I think that the reason why my relationships never really worked with men is because the ones that I am involved with don't take an interest in my life. Not a single guy that I ever been with ever took and interest in my writing or any thing I read; nothing.

And as I type this you would think that I would be sad depressed about this epiphany but I'm not. Because to be honest it is partly my fault cause I never made myself...Me because I never really made myself important to them. I mean I always knew (and I don't want to sound conceded or cocky either) that I was great in the sack. I mean shit how hard can it be to be good at something you enjoy but then that's all that mattered. Now don't get me wrong I got the I Love You's and the will you marry me (with the ring and all) and as flattered as I was and as much as believed that they love me how could they; they didn't really know me...No the real me.

I know that's why this celibacy choose is so right. It's my way of finding out all the things that are important to me.

I must sound like the only slut but really I am not I just get into these long dramatic relationships with endings that only happen in movies or soap operas. HA HA !!!! Like I always tell my friend "My life is like a channel 47 Novella"


I have made a decision about something I am going to spend sometime celibate. Why you may ask? Why not; my choose in men suck! I am not ready for a relationship and for some reason when I say that I’m not really for a committed relationship to the men I meet it means “Hey let’s get married!”

My old bed buddy was more of a pain in the ass then a good piece of ass. Thumbs Down

There’s this book that I was researching on line…I am going to buy it for when I start. I believe I’m going to start next month July 1st. SENSUAL CELIBACY : THE SEXY WOMAN'S GUIDE TO USING ABSTINENCE FOR RECHARGING YOUR SPIRIT, DISCOVERING YOUR PASSIONS, ACHIEVING GREATER INTIMACY IN YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP

I figured that could dedicate my free time to me…and all the things I need and want out of life. Clear my mind a little. Sex usually fogs up my judgment.

Thursday, June 08, 2006


Well I spoke to mother last night and really I love my mother but she can really piss me off. She has just figured out that I have no way of paying my bills this month because of the freeze on my account.
“Duh, lady why the hell do you think I lost my mind on Saturday!”

She pisses me off

I woke up this morning to 3 text messages. And they read:

“All jokes aside you are the best friend I ever had. What I’m saying is difficult for you to understand but you were always there for me even through the worst you’ll always understand me more then my own mother. I don’t care what happens to me in life. I will always be grateful for you.”12:37 am

Now can anyone guess who that was from? MR. JERK-OFF. Now it’s crap like that, that really pisses me off. And the reason why it pisses me is because the only one he has to blame for this shit not working out between him and I is himself!!!!!

I stood by that man’s side and wanted to believe in him so badly but all he could was disappoint me time and time again.

At least his words don't have the same effect on me!!!

The sad part about this whole thing is that deep down inside he really does think he means the even more sadder is the fact that no matter what he says or what he thinks it will never change him. He never loved me that much. Just a fact.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


The past couple of days have been something that to be honest I am still wondering if I am a sleep. Now I haven’t been able to blog because my laptop isn’t hooked up to the Internet and my PC can be such a pain in the ass.

So I went to court the other day and it’s looking like this whole court thing might come to end very soon. So after that I have just been feeling like a huge weight being lifted. MR. JERK-OFF picked up my daughter from school on Friday (as per the courts) and we saw each and all went well. He dropped her off on Saturday so I was able to sleep late; which is something that rarely happens. So once I finally get up and head out into the world so I can go to the bank so that I can get money for the week. I also had a weekend filled with plans drinks with one girlfriend on Saturday night and brunch with another on Sunday. But after the bank fate had other plans for me…cause all my money has been frozen by some company for a credit card that I don’t even own. I don’t even own a debt card and the amount is $2000.00.

And all anyone could tell me (my mom, dad, grandmother ex) “What are you getting upset for?”


But I must say that the thing that kills me the most is the fact (with the exception of my grandmother) my parents haven’t even asked “Mica how are you getting to work? Do you have money to get to work?”

Considering I told them on Saturday that I only had $4.00 to my name.

And with all the crap I go through I still believe that happened for a reason…what it is I have no idea but there is a reason.

Maybe it’s to teach me I really can’t rely on family. Who knows?

I know what I am going to do for next month for money stop my direct deposit it’s this month I have no idea what I am going to do.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Yup that statement is all about me it is high time I took my Rose Colored Glasses off.

Just like I’ve been saying MR. JERK-OFF nice streak has faded…he hates me again. On Sunday I went to my sister’s for BBQ. I went up with a girlfriend so that I would have to be the one dateless. At the end of the night my girlfriend couldn’t take me to pick up my daughter at her father’s cause her son was all cranky from being in the sun all day. So I asked my bed-buddy to take me. Now I am not stupid I would never have another sitting in front of MR. JERK-OFF’s house 1. because it is very disrespectful and 2. he’s soo stupid that he would loss his mind. And why would I want to add that kind of drama to my life.

So I asked my bed-buddy to park around the corner, which he did, and like 5 cars up too at that. Now my daughter knows my bed-buddy she knows him as mom’s friend and she thinks he funny but he’s never stayed over my house while my daughter is home that is a big NO NO in my book.

So I pick up my daughter and we start walking around the corner. We get in the car; everything is good that is until we pull off and start driving away because who do I see standing on the corner but MR. JERK-OFF.

So it became 2 days (now 3 cause he just texted me a little while ago about this) of this texting messaging argument. It got to be so bad that I had to shut my cell phone off and then when I wasn’t answering the text messages he started calling me house.

“How could you bring that man to my house?”
“That was so wrong. And cold hearted of me.” (BRASS BALLS)

All I could say to that was “He wasn’t in front of your house and he was doing a favor and I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Now I’m going back to court on tomorrow and if that man decides to make big deal about this I am going to have no choose but let them know that he’s been harassing me and about his bottle of me in house. Cause Moma didn’t raise no fool I kept the messages.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Being single is a decision that made I when I left my ex. And to be honest there is nothing or rather anyone out there who has changed my mind.

1.) Is my bed-buddy who is worse the 100 women suffering from PMS all at the same time. He’s moody and bitchy and finds everything in life miserable. The only time he’s ever happy is if he’s smoking a joint! (he’s a waste)
2.) Then second is my Cyber-buddy who I’ve had drinks with once but we talk on the phone every once in while. He can be so pushy “When am I going to see you? When? When? When?” And yes I am the first to say I don’t want a boyfriend but does every conversation have to be about sex. We do have stuff in common.
3.) Then the Boxer who calls me every once and a green moon and never wants to go out or have anything really to say. BORING!!!!
4.) And finally MR. JERK-OFF and anyone who has read my blog knows that he’s one step away from the Looney Bin!!! Enough said.

Any wonder why I don’t want a boyfriend. I am not looking for one nor do I want one.

By Natasha Bedingfield

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Ah yeah that's right
All you single people out there
This is for you

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me
(Cos I'm happy where I am)
Don't depend on a guy to validate me
(No no)
I don't need to be anyone's baby
(Is that so hard to understand?)
No I don't need another half to make me whole

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places
Right now a star's in the ascendant
I'm single
(Right now)

That's how I wanna be
I'm single
(Right now)

That's how I wanna be
Ah yeah Uh Huh that's right
Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait so I'm sorry if you misunderstood


Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way
Eh I like it this way

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up you either got it or you don't
'Til then I'm single
This is my current single status
My declaration of independence
There's no way I'm tradin' places Right now a star's in the ascendant

Monday, May 22, 2006


This is to answer the question that the men in my life are always asking me; "Mica what do you want from a man?"

Well if you have to ask then you know what you most-likely CAN'T DO IT!

But listening to Kelly Clarkson (Not the biggest fan but I like this song for this reason) she says it all:

I wanna man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me?
Die for me?
Live and breathe for me?
Do you care for me?
'Cause if you don't then just leave

Simply isn't Thumbs Up


So what can I say something crawled up MR. JERK-OFF ass because ever since Mother’s day he’s been nothing but nice to me. Yah right I am suppose to buy that when he still hasn’t given me any child support of course I know this new niceness in him is just some kind of trick. So my thought is if he wants to be that stupid and let me in a little then I am going to us it to my advantage.

For example MR. JERK-OF texted me over the weekend and in his texts he admitted to hacking into my computer, being so obsessed with me that he has bottle of my body fluid in his house (Yes I know GROSS!!!!), he’s admitted to drinking which he’s not suppose to cause he’s on probation and he’s admitted to getting married. What an asshole!!!! Now what have admitted to you may ask…I’ll tell you; ABSOLUTLY NOTHING!!!! I’m not that stupid.

So now I am going to come up with my own agreement for court. I’ll be fare but strict. I will have clauses for if he gets arrested again, if he doesn’t pay his child support. I am going think at least 5 years ahead so that he can’t slip anything by me.

But the funny thing is that he actually thinks that I am stupidDoofus cause here he is saying to me that he wants to take me out for a drink, or how much he misses making love to me, how he wants to take me and the baby away for the summer and what he would like to buy me…


Like I would take a gift from him especially when he owes me $$$$.

I will say this the system sure does suck cause they will let him get away with not paying for while before they do anything.

That’s why it’s my job to get my money and a little revengeVoodoo wouldn’t hurt. HA HA HA!!!!!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Just to let you all know

I haven’t been able to post as often as I want to because the idiot that uses to be my bed-buddy fucked up my computer somehow. I can still go online but every time I try to post a new blog the computer freezes; I can’t even send an email cause it freezes too. Which suck and my laptop isn’t online yet.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I went to pick up my daughter from school today and we went about as usual. And when I got home I went to check the mail as usual but when I went inside I found something just sitting on the windowsill it was poster with a poem.

The Soulful Life

I don’t care to know how much knowledge you’ve acquired…
nor counties traveled;
I want to know you’ve given your soul a place to live.

Does your spine shiver over a wise poet’s words of grace?
Do you commune with nature long and with tireless wonder?
Have you know despair and dared to step fully into your chamber…
of darkness, transforming your terror into that of a trusted friend?

Can you thrill over a star streaked sky of the night,
tenderly wipe away a young child’s tears,
or marvel over the majesty of an artful masterpiece?

Are you a dreamer by day? A lover by night?
Does your own potential fill you with awe?
Do dreams of a peaceful world arouse you to ascending height of hope?

Does the mystery of the universe excite you beyond measure,
and can you feel the presence of power greater than yourself in all of your affairs?

Then join me on the path of wonder,
and I’ll meet you in a field of infinite possibilities.

By: Diane Loomans

And now after reading it for like the 4th time I fell that it’s tell me the kind of man I should be looking for.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Well this weekend was Mother’s day weekend and let me tell you there wasn’t a single dull moment.

But before I get into me and my novella life I would like to say Thank you my girl Mia she created the beautiful page for me. Isn’t it awesome? She’s very talented. I tell you this I have never met her but I would love to because based on her blog I feel that we would get along great. So Mia girl “Thank you for the Awesome Page!!!”
Clapping Hands

My old bed-buddy actually tried to ruin my Mother’s day weekend and if were the type of person that cried for everything he most likely would have succeeded at it. He was all depressed because he’s have money problem (DUH WHO ISN’T) anyway so he decide to have an attitude and be a big baby. And it was my weekend so I choose to ignore him; I mean should I let him mess shit up for me.

Well the next day (Saturday) he was still in rare form and still tried to start shit with me but I wouldn’t have it. I called his mom to wish her a Happy Mother’s day and even told me that he baby and need to grow up and the best thing would be for to distant myself from him. But late that night I am enjoying a nice quite evening at home my daughter was a sleep I was in the living room enjoying a glass of wine when my cell phone rings with a text message:

“Happy Mother’s Day” from MR. JERK-OFF at 10pm

I didn’t even know it was him at first so I reply “Thank you”

Then he sends another one “We certainly made something beautiful didn’t we.”

I wanted to reply “No shit I made something beautiful not you because I am raising her to be a beautiful young lady.” But I didn’t I wanted to see were he was going with all the text messaging.

So I reply “Yes we did”

I then thanked him for switching the days so I could have her on mother’s day.

He replies. “Your welcome and thank you for giving me the only thing that mattes in this world it could have happened with anyone else but you I hope you understand that.”

Again I held back what I really wanted to say which was “Asshole if you cared so much about you daughter you would do everything you needed to be a father that she could look up to.

But instead I said nothing. I wanted to see were he was going with this. Because he hasn’t been nice for a very, very, very long time.

Well, were it went was him reminiscing; How beautiful we were when we were together, calling me by my nickname “Sunshine”. Then he got a little personal and gross telling me he still remembers how I taste. Then he starts telling me how he wishes that I were there right there with him toasting with.

Now I know that the man was drunk trying to be all nice. I know what he was trying to do…he was trying to get on my good side so that I can drop my court case. YAH RIGHT BUDDY LIKE I AM THAT STUPID!!!!
What I want is for him to walk into court thinking that “Yah I got this girl right were I want her.” I want him to think that so that when he arrested for not paying Child support he will be the one that get caught off guard.