Tuesday, April 26, 2005
I think the reason why I like moving so much is because you get to go through everything and throw away everything in peace…make a mess, then pack it’s great.
And I finally get my own room THANK GOD NO MORE SLEEPING IN THE LIVING ROOM!!!!!
I have been thinking about the woman I was before my daughter was born, the woman I became after she was born and the woman I am today and to be honest I like what I see now more then before and I know there are still other things that I need to improve on and to be honest I can’t wait.
Monday, April 25, 2005
- Was because I think that my life is interesting and I think people might get something useful from it.
- My JERK-OFF ex read my last journal without my permission so I thought I might as well publish this one.
- And finally to track my success and failures.
I love the fact that people comment on my entries.
I really want to Thank everyone that reads my blog and sends me little notes and I do try to get to everyone's blog that writes to me.
So thank you again.
Miricales & Blessings
I will try to write more later.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
2 months ago the asshole kicked in my door and was verbally attacking me in front of our daughter so the next day I filed a complaint against him. I did it for Family court and now he has the cops looking for him because according the cops now they have to arrest anyone involved in a domestic complaint (which I had no idea). And because he has a court thing going in another county the cops where I live have a hard on for him.
I say it's only 10% my fault because I told them where he lived when I filed the complaint not knowing what I know now. But I know that I had every right to go to the cops but the fact the he is in the middle of another court thing and the fact that he acted like a child that day and kicked in my door like a savage and had no regard that our daughter was standing right there I have nothing to do with that. And the only reason why he acts out like that is because he doesn't dare put a hand on me because I do fight back.
So the weekend is coming and I LOVE TO SLEEP in on Saturdays I asked what he was going to do because I really don't want to be disturbed. Now it's a different story if I had a two bedroom apt but I don't my bedroom is in the living room and I wake up every morning early to get my daughter ready for school and me for work I deserve at least one night out and one day to sleep in late and FUCK HIM IF HE DOESN'T AGREE!!!!! I have a sitter for my daughter she is in great hands and her father does nothing so his say means nothing to me.
So now he's pissed saying that he feels he over stayed his welcome and that I was mean about it. Well if I was so what he deserves that and more he's just lucky I don't give it to him.
Well, I'll tell you what I am going to do...I am moving into a new apartment next week and my house guest is not coming with me!!!!
I feel trapped when I have a house guest. I feel like I am suffocating...I can't be creative and I hate that.
I can't be free...For example I have to remember to bring my robe to the bathroom when I take a shower. I hate that. I like to work on my novel late at night when my daughter is sleeping can't do that with a house guest. I am counting the days!!!!
I wish I had the $$$ to take a vacation...Nothing crazy like a week but a weekend starting today and come back on Sunday night. And I would go straight to Florida and hang out on South beach. With that said it makes me think of Mr. SunnyState and if I ever creep into his mind at all. I wonder if he thinks about me sometimes and wonders "What If?" I often wonder what would happen if we ran into each other again. The last time we saw each other I felt the fire that still burned between us after 9 years would it still be there after another 7 years?
The last I heard of Mr. SunnyState is that he was getting married...I wonder if he did it?
Oh well no point in dwelling in the past
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I like to take my life and moments or fantasies that I have and put a different spin on it.
For me (like pretty much everyone in the world) my life has never been easy. There was always a challenge or a hurtle that I had to climb.
At first I wrote poems focusing on the bad.
But as I got older I believed that if you mentally and emotionally believed in something it would happen and writing it for me made my beliefs even stronger.
My writing makes me stronger!!!!
Monday, April 18, 2005
Why wait then? Am I waiting for love or something special like that? HELL NO!!!!! Love is the last thing on my mind. To be honest I am waiting for my money situation to get a little bit better. And not because I plan on paying for sex or something crazy like that.
I just want to make sure that the next guy doesn't think that his way to my heart is with his money or buying me gifts. If I feel like leaving in the middle of the night I can cause I have the money to take a cab. And it's not like I don't any offers.
I want to make sure that my INDEPENDENCE is INDESTRUCTIBLE.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
I know what I was put on this earth for and time I started doing it.
And just remember that I was lucky to find a job that worked with me.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
HE GOT ME TICKETS TO SEE MAROON 5 AND THERE-ORCHESTRA SEATS. ORCHESTRA SEATS!!!!!!!
I LOVE MAROON 5!!!! HE SAYS HE GOT THEM FOR ME AS AN EARLY MOTHER'S DAY GIFT. AND THAT WOULD BE GREAT IF THEY WERE REALLY FOR ME...
THE A CATCH IS I HAVE TO GO WITH HIM.
IF THEY WERE REALLY A GIFT THEN WHY NOT GIVE ME THE TICKETS SO I GO WITH A FRIEND OR EVEN GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO SAY "HEY THANKS FOR THE TICKETS WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME WITH ME?"
SO MY PROBLEM IS I REALLY REALLY WANT TO GO!!!! SHOULD I STILL GO?????
EVEN THOUGH IS IS THE BIGGEST JERK-OFF IN THE WHOLE WORLD?
FEEL FREE TO ANSWER...