Tuesday, May 29, 2007


I can say the following statement and mean it from the bottom of my soul…“I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO MY DAUGHTER THE WAY MY MOTHER SPEAKS TO ME!!!”

This past Sunday I decided to have a very small get together for Memorial Day. So I invited Mr. NEW & IMPROVED sister, her husband, my grandmother and aunt…not to mention Mr. NEW & IMPROVED my daughter and myself. I didn’t feel like inviting people over that were going to make me feel like I was walking on egg shells. So I do not even think of inviting my other grandmother…she is one of those people that comes to your house and smiles in your face and then the next day tells everyone how crappy your stuff is. Not to mention she loves to smile in Mr. NEW & IMPROVED but then the next day she’ll call my whole family and say, “Why does she let him be around her and the baby?” You know what the hell do I need that for. I just wanted a nice laid back Sunday.

Instead I was awoken at 10:30am by a phone call by my grandmother (the one I invited). My father called my grandmother to see what she was going to that day and she told him going to my house so I mother got on the phone asking if I invite my other one. (so here is how the conversation went)
My mother: “Did Mica invite my mother?”
Grandma: “I don’t think so”
Mother: “Well you should call her and invite her”
Grandma: “Well I’ll call Mica and ask her it’s not my place to just invite someone”
Mother: “Well I’m sure she invited you because she loves you more then my mother”

So filled with guilt my grandmother calls me and told what my mother said. So I call my mother because honestly what right does my mother have to say “Invite this one and that one?” So our conversation went like this:

Me: “Mom why did you call grandma making her feel guilty and why are you inviting people over to MY house without speaking to me first?”
Mother: “Well I was only say the truth”
Me: “No you weren’t you know I love them same but your mother loves to talk crap and I don’t have the house ready yet…ie: no patio furniture, no real grill (I picked a cheap $12 one) and Mr. NEW & IMPROVED and his sister will be there and I don’t wan to hear crap.
Mother: “You are so selfish and fucked up!”

So from fucked up and selfish her and I just started yelling at each other and the conversation end with us hanging up on each other.

My grandmother is the way she is because of my mother and here is why my mother is a very nosy woman she loves to send people over to my house to see if they see anything that they can report back to her with.

Now what really pisses me off is that my mother wouldn’t pull this shit on my other sisters because my sisters will tell her were to go and draw her picture and never feel bad.
Nope not me I always end up feeling sorry so of course the end result was I invited my other grandmother…and I have no idea if she’s saying anything because I haven’t spoken to my mother since Sunday.

Oh and here’s the kicker-after all was said and done my aunt call my mother to tell her that I invited my grandmother my mother says “Oh good now I can go to the Poconos” she just started that whole thing so she didn’t have to take her mother with her. And I’m selfish.
I know that when my parents move to Brewster my grandmothers will become MY responsibility.

Monday, May 21, 2007


I don’t know if it’s just me or what…before my daughter was born sex was something I couldn’t get enough of. My friends would joke that I was like a rabbit. Which to some point I was (except for the million babies) but not lately I am just always tired.
Now it pisses Mr. New & Improved because he’s a nympho and wants it all the time. How do you get a man to understand that you’ve lost your tickle? But an even better question is how do you get it back? Maybe I lost it because I put on a few pounds or maybe my diet needs to change or maybe I need a little bit more help around the house. I don't know????
I wanted to get my tubes tied because I am 100% sure that I do not want anymore kids but then as I started doing some research there is this thing called “Post tubal SYNDROME” and all need is another problem with my body... after my daughter was born I put that birth control “Norplant” in my arm which in turn reversed my period causing me to bleed for like three weeks and like not have my period for 1 week and it sucked.
1. Eptopic pregnancy or pregnancy (well known risk of tubals)
2. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes, clammy feeling, chills
3. Bouts of rapid heart beat
4. Irritability
5. Mood swings, sudden tears
6. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)
7. Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding; phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles
8. Loss of libido (see note)
9. Dry vagina (see note)
10. Itchy vagina-at time raw like, can radiated from whole area, with absence of yeast infections. (see note)
11. Color change in vaginal area. (color gets darker -darker red to purple)
12. Crashing fatigue - Chronic Fatigue
13. Anxiety, feeling ill at ease
14. Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom (see note)
15. Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion
16. Disturbing memory lapses
17. Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence (see note)
18. Prolapse of uterus do to rapid decrease in estrogen levels.
19. Itchy, crawly skin (see note)
20. Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons (see note)
21. Increased tension in muscles
22. Breast tenderness
23. Decrease in breast mass
24. Headache change: increase or decrease
25. Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
26. Sudden bouts of bloat
27. Depression (see note)
28. Exacerbation of existing conditions
29. Allergies developing or increasing - (Chronic sinusitis).
30 Nasal infections-necessitating antibiotics
31. Weight gain (see note)
32. Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair
33. Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance
34. Changes in body odor
35. Electric shock or stabbing sensation under the skin. (see note)
36. Tingling in the extremities, (see note)
37. Gum problems, increased bleeding
38. Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in breath odor (see notes)
39. Osteoporosis (after several years )
40. Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier
41. Stabbing pains in pelvic area at time of ovulation 42. Pelvic Pain 43. Development of Adenomyosis
44. Development of Ovarian/Tubal Cysts
45. Decreased Lactation Ability
So I really don’t want to do anything else to me that might cause my hormones to go crazy again. But I do hate the fact that I am always tired. I am waiting for my insurance to kick back into effect because although I have HUGE fear of doctors (I have a fear that once everything is going good in my life like now I’ll go to the doctor and find out something is wrong…I know pretty childish) I have to find out what is wrong with me. And pray and hope that it’s something small like:
1. anaemia - which is very common in women, because of iron loss during their periods (and in childbirth).
2. Anxiety (cause let's face it if I am always worried it hard to want sex let alone feel sexy)
3. post-baby coolness (PBC): this is the term coined for the extremely common loss of libido that occurs after childbirth. It is almost certainly linked to the violent changes in hormones that occur at this time, though oddly enough, no clear-cut changes in hormones have ever been identified. The general trauma of childbirth also plays a part - and after having a baby, many women are simply too exhausted to think about sex! (I found PBC on the internet)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Happy Mother’s Day!!!!!

That goes to all even the ones who are Mother’s to the nieces, nephews; pets too.
My mother’s day was good and relaxing-well me correct that it started off relaxing then I went to my mother’s and my sisters were there. And when ever they are around them I always feel like I’m eggshells. Because they always have stupid to say to me about everything when it comes to me.
But this time it was my parents who hit me in the gut with something that I wasn’t expecting. My parents told me that before the end of the year that they might be moving up to Brewster NY. And to be honest with you the idea of them moving up there don’t make me the least bit happy and I will explain why…
First my older sister moved out to Westchester somewhere deep out there. My younger sister who is like 6 or 7 months pregnant is going to move out Connecticut once the baby is like a few months old. Which it is safe to say that I will not be getting to know my little nephew because as it is she lives only like 10 blocks from me now and never see her of hear from her. And now my parents want to move to Brewster.
Well as long as I have my grandmother screw it let them move away.

Monday, May 07, 2007


Have you ever really needed something really bad and the more you needed it the slower it came to you?
Well that’s me right now. I was audited this year for my EIC (Earned Income Credit) which by the way is only $1155.00 dollars. I know people who put other people's SS numbers so they can get more money from the IRS and nothing happens to them but people like me who file what they are suppose to be filing get audited.
Now I have to wait 60-90 days to get the money and it is really pissing me off.
It really isn’t fair