Tuesday, September 27, 2005


I almost went down the same path all over again. What the hell is wrong with me????

So my Bed Buddy has been helping me with a little he gave me his monthly Metro Card and buys me cigarettes (Yes, I have relapsed) and gives me a little money here and there.

So last night he had the nerve to say that me and his bitch, psycho ex girl friend and I have similarities. I told him that there was no way her and I have anything in common because his relationship with her was volatile because of her his and I was different because it was him that emotional and moody towards me and all I tried to do was be there for him. And he took advantage of me. But of course he says no and that’s how he feels and there is nothing I can say to change his mind. Which in turn I said the same because he wanted me to ask him what we had in common and I said no because I won’t agree with him and I don’t feel like arguing with him.

So then he starts his shit about how I just wait to be pissed at him and I am never happy with him. So I told him that was bullshit and to start his shit because I have been happy and just because I am pissed at that moment doesn’t mean I wait to be pissed at him. And then I hung up. DON’T COMPARE ME TO THAT PIECE OF SHIT EX GIRLFRIEND WHO FLIRTED WITH OTHER MEN AND CALLED THE COPS ON YOU AFTER SHE KICKED YOUR ASS!!!!! THEN CALLS YOU MONTHS LATER IN DRUNKED STUPER AND AFTER YOU TWO GET INTO AN ARGUMENT THEN CALLS THE COPS AGAIN AND SAYS YOU THREATED HER!!!!!

This is the same man that says that I am addicted to pot and when I say that I am not he will argue with me that I am. I pay my bills, my daughter doesn’t go hungry so I can buy pot, I go to work every day and my I don’t spent my days while I am at work think “Shit I can’t wait to go home and smoke.” I smoke in moderation. He really pisses me off.

Then yesterday I go to pick my daughter from school and find out that JERK-OFF went to school again. I have no idea what he is trying to do but it is really pissing me off.


Thursday, September 22, 2005


I have been telling myself that through all destruction comes rebuliding a new world and new lives.

It's JERK-OFF's problem if he wants to stay stuck in the past but I know that there is nothing that I can do to change it so why should I dwell on it. I just want to feel as good as each day lets me.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Same Shit Different Day

I know that I haven’t updated my blog in a while but I have been so busy, crazy and honestly a little depressed but I am feeling better now.

Things with the JERK-OFF haven’t changed except for the fact that I made sure that he could pick up my daughter from school any more. I brought the paper work to the school so I took care of that. I had to go to court on the 12th and the JERK-OFF never showed up. So the court is issuing another summons for him I am not to sure what will happen when he doesn’t show up that time.

Friends of mine have seen him and told me that he looks like a bum and I tell them that’s because he is one. He refuses to get an apartment because then I can prove to the courts that he is getting money somehow. That’s ok because I have other plans for him in court.

And my dry spell is over I finally had sex for my birthday with an old friend. It was ok I just have a fear that he (my bed buddy) doesn’t start to read into things too much. I mean I was honest with him and told I am in no place for a relationship. And he claims to understand but who knows if he really does.

I still owe money on my rent $500.00 I know that I will come up the money some how I am going to try and cash in my daughter’s bonds (of course I replace them when I am on solid ground) I know that I am not going to get face value for them but if I can get at least ½ of what they are worth it will really help.

I am trying to get back on schedule with my plans but I have to because if I don’t it like letting him win; it’s like giving him the power and that is not happening.
I just hate being in a rut. But I have to keep telling myself that God only gives what I can handle which means I can handle this.

Friday, September 02, 2005


I am so tired of this man thinking that he has the right to do what ever he wants. It’s driving me crazy that my “lil” Angel is with him right now. Because I have no idea what he is filling her mind with. What kind of lies he's telling her now…and the fact the he tries to buy her really bothers me because what is he doing buying her love or silence?

I am not getting a good feeling when it comes to him and my daughter. I am beginning to get this really uncomfortable feeling…like eerie.

Am I over reacting?????

I don’t think so…I should follow my gut and my gut is telling me to protect my daughter from him!!!!!!