Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Give me Strength

There are days when I actually question God and his grand design for me and my daughter. I have been questioning a lot of what has been happening to me…questioning my family, my friends, my relationship but mostly myself.

I know that God only gives us what he knows in his heart we can handle but I sometimes think that he gives me TOO much credit.

I know I am suppose to be learning a lesson now. I know this-so let me see what have been learning along the way…

1. I know that the man that I am with loves me…this I know.
2. I know that he also a great amount of pride that can at time get him in trouble which in turn gets us in trouble.
3. I know that my daughter is very happy but a little disappointed that her summer isn’t going the way she wanted it but yet still she is happy she has her parents together.
4. I know that my family love talking about behind my back which I hate by the way (And I know this because it always gets back to me)
5. I know that no matter what job my daughter’s father has or what kind of changes he made with his life it won’t matter to them they will always see for the man that made the mistakes. As if they are above mistakes.
6. I know that no matter what I do they will always look at me at the woman who was on food stamps cause I couldn’t make it on my own.
7. I know that with the minor crap that my daughter’s father still needs to learn I am happy with him and in our life right now.
8. I know that it doesn’t matter to them (my family) that I am happy.

So what do these things tell me…I have to learn to not care (It’s hard at times cause they are my family which because it’s them it hurts more). I know that I have to do what is right for me and my family.(my family meaning my daughter, me and her father) And believe me I’m trying. And I know I have to do something about my household’s money situation and soon because money problems can really hurt a relationship and honestly my family would want nothing more then to see our relationship fail.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Broken Heart

Have you ever had a broken heart…I mean a really broken heart…
Well if you never felt one allow me to explain what it feels like.
First you feel your heart beating in your chest but it doesn’t feel the same it almost feels like its and echo and your chest is hollow.
And when you cry you can feel the hollow pain in your chest deeper.
If heart break had a sound it would be deafening sound that could shatter your eardrums.

I honestly wouldn’t wish it on any one.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The problem with men

I am so angry I can scream but I wont cause my daughter is here at work. I am so pissed off with my daughter’s father (nothing like before) but still something…
If I never mentioned before my daughter’s father is sex fiend which is not an all together bad thing but the bad part is the way he goes about getting from me.
I am a huge fan of Z100 and there is a guy on there called Froggy and he’s always talking about how he never gets enough sex from his wife. Well I hope he comes across my blog page cause I am about to break down things that kill the mood.
***Hint*** Women do enjoy sex. We enjoy it a lot.
1. Some of us don’t find it all that romantic when you refer it as F***ing. Especially in a text message. And the longer you’ve been with that person the LESS of a turn it is.
2. It also doesn’t help you if through out your whole day you don’t even call once and in this day of text messaging and emails there shouldn’t be a reason why you don’t send her little message like “Hey thinking of you” or “Luv You” & “Am I getting some tonight?” doesn’t count!!!
3. And if you have one of those amazing wife’s like me who juggles 2 jobs, still does all the motherly stuff, cook, washes your clothing and cleans. Then the least you can do is remember to bring home dinner without having to be reminded like a child every day…Yeah that doesn’t help you either.
4. And if you screwed up cause your balls were all in twist and you took it out on her the least you could is say those two little words “I’m Sorry”
5. But the BIGGEST turn off of them all (well for that is) is when they wake up in the morning and the smallest thing will turn them in to a pissy whining baby which then causes them to raise there voice in the morning. Now I’m not talking about yelling and carrying on like a manic. Here is my example this just happed this morning to me…
“Hey honey which one do you like best?” I asked.
So I sat there for a minutes waiting for a response but he doesn’t even turn around to see what I am even talking about. What is doing you might be wondering? Well he is trimming his eye brows. So I get up to leave but before I do I say…
“Thanks that really cleared things up for me.”
What does he do? He then turns around to and says in a manly high pitch whiny voice. “You see me doing something give me a sec!”
So I reply “You could have at least answered me & you do see me raising my voice to you. What’s the need so early in the morning?”
“But you saw me doing something?”
“So what? What is wrong with your mouth? Its too early for crap like that.”

I am one of those people who honestly doesn’t enjoy arguing. I try very hard to not get too upset especially in the morning. I mean I get a little earlier so that I don’t have to stress out about running late. And for a man who brags that he’s know me for 12 years he should know this.

That was this morning so a little while ago I sent him a text message telling him that my boss is giving me Friday off and I was wondering if he would be off too. He says and of course his first reply is…
“Sex all day right?”
Of course (he has a 1 track mind)
So my response is “Maybe it depends if you don’t wake up all crabby and pissy.”
Which then turned into this whole thing about how he never gets from me.

And like a man he will only see what I am doing wrong and see nothing on part.
Men piss me off

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


Hello everyone…I know that it has been a really long time since I last blogged. My life has been so busy and crazy. And to be honest I really didn’t mind it. I was working at something that I loved doing. I was able to work around my schedule. And I still have all that except I don’t think I love it as much as I use too.
I blogged in the past about this part time job I have that I was given the freedom to work from home. So I was able to be home with my daughter which is great.
I have been with that company for well this August will be 3 years. I have given up weekends. I have jumped at a moments notice when needed. I have made money for a company that in the past 2 ½ years they barely invested any money in the company and I have managed to stretch a penny very, very far. To now have then still some 23 year old fop and take on some of my responsibilities.

Why does this always happen to me? It isn’t like I’m a slacker and I don’t do my job then I can see them sending someone in to pick up the slack but no it’s the opposite I break my ass for my bosses. And just like every other job it looks like this one is going to try and take my ideas and kick me to curb.
And I can’t help but feel used AGAIN!!!!!