Monday, June 26, 2006
This question has come up because you know when every once in while you get that ex that comes sniffing back. And well is it possible that he learned his lesson when he lost you and changed or is he still the same idiot that you left a long time ago?
This is what happens when your dateless on the weekend and your mind begins to wonder plus it didn’t help that I watched “The Breakup” this weekend.
It was a pretty good movie the only thing I didn’t get is why people left the movie theater fighting their partners. It was just a movie but it did make you stop and think about your current relationships or past ones. And that’s all I’ll say cause I’m not ruining the end.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I think that’s were it all begins with me. I allow people (mostly men) to do that to me and I have only myself to blame is me for that.
The past few days I have been dealing with overly dramatic men who believe the world will come to end if I stop having sex. And since the drama has began I have forgotten to return phones because I am too busy dealing with some guy and his tears, I have been too tired to work on my novel cause by the time I am done with them on the phone I am too tired to even think let alone write. And every man that I know (well the ones that I’m intimate with) are all jealous of my writing. They hate me being on the computer and swear that the only place should be in is the kitchen and the bedroom. SEXIST BIGS!!!!!
Just once I would like a man to be interested in my writing and me and what makes me happy.
I guess that’s the whole point of my Sexual Sabbatical. To find myself and what makes me happy.
The things I plan for me while I am on Sabbatical:
1.) FINISH MY NOVEL
2.) GET MY MONEY SITUATION STRAIGHTENED OUT
3.) FIND AWAY TO MAKE A LITTLE BIT MORE MONEY
4.) MY LICENSE
5.) SUMMER CAMP FOR MY LITTLE PEANUT
6.) JOINING THE “S” FACTOR (FOR FITTNESS REASONS AND FOR ME TO LOOK AT MY BODY A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY)
7.) DOING AS MANY FREE THINGS WITH MY LITTLE PEANUT AS WELL AS ALONE (BRYANT PARK MONDAY NIGHT MOVIES NIGHT)
8.) TAKING MY PEANUT TO FLORIDA
And I plan on doing all of this without a man.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Well I have told all the guys that I have been dating (which is not all that many) that I am going on a Sexual Sabbatical.
One took it rather well but he did act like Disney World was closing down forever and now he wants ones last ride before it closes.
And my bed-buddy acted like the world was coming to an end. He even went as far as to say that he was jumping out of his sister’s second story window. Now I told him I was home with my daughter and couldn’t leave. So the threat (which wasn’t much of a threat not to mention I didn’t believe it) pissed me off and what would have happened if he did it; he’d most likely break an arm or a leg. Well he’d deserve it after being such a big selfish baby.
I hate to sound cold or heartless but that was really fucked up what did he expect me to do run out of my house with my daughter and pull her into the middle of the drama that he started. HELL NO!!!!
But then he tell me that if I really wanted to make changes in my life instead of giving up the sex thing I should stop drinking and smoking. And that really pissed me off because who the hell is to talk when he spends anywhere between $100-$200 on weed a week and at least $80 a week on cigarettes a week. Now what do I buy 1 pack of cigarettes that last me at least a week unless he’s in my house and smokes all my cigarettes. And whenever I do buy weed I spend $20 and that last me a week as well. And I don’t wish that I didn’t have to go to work so that I can sit home and smoke my brains out; that’s him.
And two glasses of wine at night isn’t a lot. But that was his way of trying to manipulate me which I hate that. So I told him off and after him saying that and that he was going to jump out of the window I just simply refused to answer my phone when he called again
So this morning when I got up I had 3 messages on my house phone, 15 text messages on my cell phone and 4 voice messages on my cell phone. THE GUY’S NUTS!!!! But the best is that one of his messages was and I quote:
“Hey I just got some weed I thought I’d come by your house so we can smoke and maybe I can go down on the kitty “ 12am (Kitty = my kitty cat you know what I mean)
Now what in the conversation that we had all day lead him to believe that I would have agreed to any of that especially at 12 am and I have my daughter at home with me who was sleeping in my bed too and I have work in the morning.
I know he’s someone I’m not call after I am done with my Sabbatical.
He’s should be happy I didn’t dump him like the video above this post. ( I couldn't fuigure out how to link to this post)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!
I have the most beautiful little kitty cat in the world. He's not like a breed or anything like that but he's gray and white in some lights he looks a little lavender. His name is Jimmy. I have had him since he was a baby. I love him to pieces but there is a dark side he dislikes my daughter and I got him for her.
This morning he attacked her because I wouldn't let him stay in her room. So as soon as he saw her walking by he jumped her leg. Which pissed me off and he knew it and then took off running so that I couldn't catch. Now she angry at him and wants me to get rid of him.
Now there is no man in this world that I would ever choose over my daughter but for the life of me I can't get rid of him. I spent money on him and I really do love him. What am suppose to do?
I love when I am home alone like when my daughter goes to her father's or my grandmother's he sleeps with me and loves ours time home alone. I believe that his problem with my daughter is that he's jealous of her. I've tried to get them to get close but ever since the first time he started attacking her she won't go near him.
I need like a cat whisperer or something!!!!!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Something just popped in my mind as I sit here watching Wide Swap. I think that the reason why my relationships never really worked with men is because the ones that I am involved with don't take an interest in my life. Not a single guy that I ever been with ever took and interest in my writing or any thing I read; nothing.
And as I type this you would think that I would be sad depressed about this epiphany but I'm not. Because to be honest it is partly my fault cause I never made myself...Me because I never really made myself important to them. I mean I always knew (and I don't want to sound conceded or cocky either) that I was great in the sack. I mean shit how hard can it be to be good at something you enjoy but then that's all that mattered. Now don't get me wrong I got the I Love You's and the will you marry me (with the ring and all) and as flattered as I was and as much as believed that they love me how could they; they didn't really know me...No the real me.
I know that's why this celibacy choose is so right. It's my way of finding out all the things that are important to me.
I must sound like the only slut but really I am not I just get into these long dramatic relationships with endings that only happen in movies or soap operas. HA HA !!!! Like I always tell my friend "My life is like a channel 47 Novella"
I have made a decision about something I am going to spend sometime celibate. Why you may ask? Why not; my choose in men suck! I am not ready for a relationship and for some reason when I say that I’m not really for a committed relationship to the men I meet it means “Hey let’s get married!”
My old bed buddy was more of a pain in the ass then a good piece of ass.
There’s this book that I was researching on line…I am going to buy it for when I start. I believe I’m going to start next month July 1st. SENSUAL CELIBACY : THE SEXY WOMAN'S GUIDE TO USING ABSTINENCE FOR RECHARGING YOUR SPIRIT, DISCOVERING YOUR PASSIONS, ACHIEVING GREATER INTIMACY IN YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP
I figured that could dedicate my free time to me…and all the things I need and want out of life. Clear my mind a little. Sex usually fogs up my judgment.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Well I spoke to mother last night and really I love my mother but she can really piss me off. She has just figured out that I have no way of paying my bills this month because of the freeze on my account.
“Duh, lady why the hell do you think I lost my mind on Saturday!”
She pisses me off
I woke up this morning to 3 text messages. And they read:
“All jokes aside you are the best friend I ever had. What I’m saying is difficult for you to understand but you were always there for me even through the worst you’ll always understand me more then my own mother. I don’t care what happens to me in life. I will always be grateful for you.”12:37 am
Now can anyone guess who that was from? MR. JERK-OFF. Now it’s crap like that, that really pisses me off. And the reason why it pisses me is because the only one he has to blame for this shit not working out between him and I is himself!!!!!
I stood by that man’s side and wanted to believe in him so badly but all he could was disappoint me time and time again.
At least his words don't have the same effect on me!!!
The sad part about this whole thing is that deep down inside he really does think he means the even more sadder is the fact that no matter what he says or what he thinks it will never change him. He never loved me that much. Just a fact.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The past couple of days have been something that to be honest I am still wondering if I am a sleep. Now I haven’t been able to blog because my laptop isn’t hooked up to the Internet and my PC can be such a pain in the ass.
So I went to court the other day and it’s looking like this whole court thing might come to end very soon. So after that I have just been feeling like a huge weight being lifted. MR. JERK-OFF picked up my daughter from school on Friday (as per the courts) and we saw each and all went well. He dropped her off on Saturday so I was able to sleep late; which is something that rarely happens. So once I finally get up and head out into the world so I can go to the bank so that I can get money for the week. I also had a weekend filled with plans drinks with one girlfriend on Saturday night and brunch with another on Sunday. But after the bank fate had other plans for me…cause all my money has been frozen by some company for a credit card that I don’t even own. I don’t even own a debt card and the amount is $2000.00.
And all anyone could tell me (my mom, dad, grandmother ex) “What are you getting upset for?”
HELLO WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT I AM GETTING UPSET FOR?????? MY RENT IS IN THERE MY CABLE, MY PHONE BILL & CELL PHONE, MY MONEY TO GET TO WORK. THAT MY WHOLE PAY HOW CAN I NOT BE UPSET.
But I must say that the thing that kills me the most is the fact (with the exception of my grandmother) my parents haven’t even asked “Mica how are you getting to work? Do you have money to get to work?”
Considering I told them on Saturday that I only had $4.00 to my name.
And with all the crap I go through I still believe that happened for a reason…what it is I have no idea but there is a reason.
Maybe it’s to teach me I really can’t rely on family. Who knows?
I know what I am going to do for next month for money stop my direct deposit it’s this month I have no idea what I am going to do.