Wednesday, December 08, 2004

I can just SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is it about me that makes me going back for more rejection from my family…why do waste my time? I make plans with my family (or at least try to) and my daughter fun things but it like I have to beg. Well not anymore.

They run off on there cruises and trips to Florida and we have to except the fact that they do it mostly around the holidays why shouldn’t I think it be a nice idea that next year we save and take my daughter to Florida to Disney Land I mean shit they go to Florida every year anyway but of course the first answer is “NO”. And then comes the excuses “Oh your father doesn’t like going to that part of Florida.”

Give me a fucken break. He can’t do something just make his only granddaughter happy?????

It is always that way with her father too. We make plans and then he breaks them because he doesn’t have the money. Or worse he can’t save for it because what he needs his money for is much more important to him.

So again why do I bother? Why do I waste my time? I waste my time because of my lack of funds that’s what makes me so needy. And I am going to do something about that.

I have read time and time again in about a million of the writing how to books “that if all you can do as soon as you wake up and throughout the day is think of writing… then you are a writer.”

Well, I’m thirty years old now and it time that I stop saying that I am writer and start making money from it.

I have realized over the years that my family and pretty much every man never really believed in my writing. As a matter of fact most men have been jealous of my writing.

I have to start doing what is right for my daughter and me and just say to hell with those (including my family) who can’t make time for my little girl and me.

Because there is nothing more I want then to fill people’s imaginations with my stories.

They say that you should write what you know and I have been doing nothing but thinking about what I know. So what do I know? I know that my daughter’s father is a loser and loves to try and make beg. He never has time for his daughter and me and the only time he has for me is late at night way after our daughter is a fast a sleep or when she not home and by the time he shows up it’s way past midnight and then who wants to be bothered. I don’t know where he’s been…I know that.
I know that my family are a bunch of phonies and stay only thinking about themselves…it doesn’t matter if my daughter is the only child in our family and to be honest they don’t even know when they will be another one…that’s what I know.

9 comments:

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