Monday, June 06, 2005

FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU; FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME, FOOL ME THREE TIME WHAT A FOOL I AM

Well MR. JERK-OFF has finally left the building but not after throwing me around my kitchen first. YUP stupid me, the one with the heart the never stops giving got thrown around like a ragdoll on Saturday.

I met a guy finally that is some what looking for the same thing that I am looking for; no real attachments, fun and maybe a little sex. Now I have gone with out sex for a little over 8 months since my birthday and it was so not that great that I can barely remember it. Anyway, I have been talking to him, emailing him for about a month now and last week we meet up for a drink and to be honest we had real chemistry. It was nice. So since that day we have been talking more and emailing more and chatting on line.

On Friday night, when I was home alone my new friend called and our conversation at one point became very heated and we were having phone sex. Yes people still do that. ; )

We were suppose to hook up on Saturday and hang and if anything happened well shit I am a grown 30 year old woman why can't have sex if I wanted too...Anyway I went to get my hair done and while I was there JERK-OFF called and said that he had to change his clothing before I went out so I thought nothing of it and told him to hurry up and and just bring me back my keys before I left. Well 15 minutes later I called him because he had a attitude and I didn't know why?

Well MR. JERK then tells me that he heard my inter conversation last night on the phone with my new friend. Well, him being in my house I hauled ass out of there and went home as quick as possible so he would destroy my house.

I get there we argue about what I said...He then tells me that he had my bedroom bugged. (I know this sounds like a movie but it's not it's my life)

So I ask him what bothers him more the fact the I don't him or that I want someone else and that's when he grabbed me by the neck and began chocking me and throwing me around my kitchen by my neck. So to defend myself I grabbed a knife which he managed to get out of my hand. He finally left when my mother called and she heard the whole thing.

So all night Saturday he called (which I refused to answer) and left me about a half a million messages repeating what I was saying to my new friend and calling me whore and slut cause there was the thought of me going to have sex with.

On Sunday he decided to have one of his computer hacking friends go into the one and only email account that he knows and change my password so that now I can not get into it and it's not ever the one that my new friend has. But in changing my email password he couldn't resist and read my emails now he calls me all day Sunday leaving me messages of some emails that were sent to me way over a year ago from and ex of mine that I was with before MR. JERK-OFF were even together. And now I am a liar for those too and to be honest as he read them to me I had NO IDEA what the hell he was talking about. Then emails were not familiar at all.

So I went to the cops and filed a complaint against him for the assault. They had to take pictures of all my bruises which was rather humiliating. They are suppose to be arresting him soon on a class 3 assault.

The thing that kills me is that I feel guilty about going to the cops because of my daughter because as it is she has been asking for him already. Now if this was one of my girlfriends I would be the first one to say "GO TO THE COPS BEFORE SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS".

So where do I get this guilty disposition from; maybe because my father said it was my fault for helping him in the first place or from my mother who said maybe it was a little too soon to start anything up with anyone (8 months later) or from MR. JERK-OFF'S mother who says that I had no right to pull out a knife on him or maybe because my daughter gives me the most saddest eyes in the world when she asks for him.

But honestly doesn't my safety come first?

And Now I am start to contemplate whether or not I want to keep my new friend even though he is really nice and can put a smile on my face and I am really attracted to him.

How can I be wrong for being SEXUALLY INDEPENDENT if my most of my writing is about SEXUAL INDEPENDENCE ANYWAY? Don't I have a right to be myself?

MR. JERK-OFF claims to have put me on a pedestal I never asked him too and there has been countless times that he has broken my heart. I am proud of the fact that I didn't try and defend myself by throwing in his face how all he sleeps with is strippers or how he has lost the condom is few of them.

I am sooooo pissed but writing this made me feel a lot better.

And like I always say "NEVER A DULL MOMENT"

16 comments:

Zetirix said...

First off, total bull... He has zero right to touch you, none, zip... you have nothing to be ashamed about defending yourself against him. Suppose he went further and took the knife from you and your daughter wouldn't have a mother anymore, would you still feel the same shame? He's gone too far, way before you had that altercation... Personally if I were your new friend, I'd find the guy when he gets out and beat him down for what he did to you, not only this weekend but for the whole while you were with him. He's managed to take something more prescious than your time and money... he's taken a bit of your soul with him, and he knows it... and as long as you keep feeling shame and fear, he will own you.

If you're attracted to this new guy, there's nothing to stop you from seeing him and doing what you will.

- Z

Zetirix said...

Oh, and to top it off, tapping a phone line is also a criminal offense, if there's one on your phone, I would ask the cops to take it and charge him with that as well...

- Z

Mica said...

: ) Z, You're the best you made me feel so much better thank you.

Zetirix said...

No, I'm not, I'm just trying to get you to see things from another perspective. We're people, and we live in a civilized time.

- Z

Mica said...

And i completely and totally agree with you and i also believe that people like MR. JERK-OFF love to take advantage of people like me. But if I say your the best you are
: ) ; )

You really made me feel better thank you

phillip said...

never ever take that from a man...or anyone for that matter...ever!!! this isn't going to stop until you do something about it...

Mica said...

Well I have done somthing about I have pressed charges against him.
: )

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