Monday, July 31, 2006
I BELIVE IT WAS ALL IN MY MIND
I must say I’m pissed off and after I blog this I am not going to bring it up anymore because honestly there won’t be no point.
I believed that I came from a very close family. I mean I have toyed with idea for relocation a few times but the thing that has stopped me from actually doing it is my family. I think about them and how fucked up it would be for them to miss out on my little one’s life. I thought it would be a little selfish of me.
I was invited this weekend to a surprise party for young sister who turned 26 on the 27th. I was happy to go and celebrate the day with her. So we did the usual thing when we saw her coming we all hushed and then yelled “SURPRISE!!!!” She looked beautiful a vision in white. At which point she then says.
“The surprise is on you guys cause we got married!”
So the smile that I had on my face for my sister’s birthday quickly disappeared.
Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t upset cause she got married. What pissed me off was the fact that I didn’t get to be there with her on her wedding day. I wasn’t there to help her get ready. I have been there for all my sister’s major events; 16th birthday, proms, school stuff etc. I was always her make-up artist. I was her excuse when she cheated on boyfriends. So why would she tell me?
And then at the party my older sister says “Well I only knew about them getting engaged.”
I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT!
Then the next day I called a mutual friend of mine and my sister’s and he knew that they got married on the day that got married. And my sister’s girlfriend was her witness.
I told my sister I don’t know how many times that I would have been very hurt and upset if she got married without me because I missed my older sistergetting married BOTH times!!!! And she did it anyway.
I don’t understand why I could be her witness. What did she think that I couldn’t keep a secret; I’ve kept all her other secrets.
I really thought that we were close. I guess I was wrong. And my parents can’t even begin to understand why I’m bothered by it!
But that’s the way it’s always been with my parents they have always felt that I made a big deal out of nothing.
Like when my brother (adopted) was stealing money and jewelry from them and he blamed me I got my ass beat and punished and when they found out that it’s wasn’t me and it was him I never even got an I’m Sorry. Nope they just swept it under the rug. And to this day my father still gets upset when I tell that if I saw my brother in there house I would walk out. I want nothing to do with him.
When I was younger I really hated being around my family because either I got blamed for everything or I simply wasn’t included. After I had my daughter I kind-of forced family get togethers on them. I really wanted my daughter to have the whole big family thing.
But for what when it doesn’t even bother my sisters’ that they didn’t have my daughter; there ONLY niece at there wedding as there flower girl.