Secret Addition

Like a moth to the flame…
The saying is so cliché but true none the less…
It’s a pull -a power I can’t stop

He’s like an addition I can’t control…
Another fix-I need another hit-of you..
I always say never again…
But I do it...

Falling back into it-into you...

I once covered this addition this craving with the words of I love you
But as time has passed there was no love
Only a need…
To be touched by you
To be caressed by you
Desired by you...

It’s a high I can’t seem to get enough of.
And addiction I can’t beat
A need I don’t think I can live without...

I’m weak when I’m around you.
My body craves your touch when ever your around
And I quiver when I feel your lips on my body...

I know how wrong it is…
I know I should say no…
And never see you again…
I promise myself never again but it’s a pull-a power I can’t stop... 　
　
　
　

Flashing Back

There are some days that I wonder what life would have been like if things hadn’t turned out the way they had.
When I was a little girl and my parents started there family there thoughts were of raising there 3 daughters…3 daughters that’s what God gave them.
But then fate stepped in and dealt its hand and handed my parents 2 boys not a product of my parents love but a product of a love that they had for a very close family member gave them 2 boys.
So suddenly almost over night we became a family of 5 - 3 girls and 2 boys all of us close in age. And something else my parents didn’t realize was that at some point we were going to be teenagers at the same time. (Ha ha a cruel last minute punch line the Gods of fate failed to mention).
Now till this day I say my parents did the right thing even though my brothers took my parents love and never really appreciated it. Because of there situation with there mother (my aunt) my parents tried 3x’s harder to reassure them that they were loved and they were special (which like I said fell on deaf ears)
I wonder if my parents would have been more strict with me…
Would I have not been able to get away half the things I did in my teenage years…
How different would it would have been?
A friend of mine blogged the other day about fate and taking chances and not over thinking things.
Well I can honestly say that parents did that and it took a long time for understand that in there hearts they had no choose.
I do know that looking back at the chooses that my parents made yes it was good one it was selfless and extremely heart-felt and when they get to heaven my aunt will be there with open arms thanking them for all they tried to do for them. But in the end they can never get back the times they lost with me and my sisters.
　
　
　

Just Say NO!!!!

I am now 35 years old and I still have no desire to get married

There are somethings that I feel as husband and wife should be done and things that shouldn't be done.

What should be done...

1.) tell your partner you love them every day (even on the bad days I know it may seem hard that's when it counts the most)

2.) if one cooks the other should clean..I wash you dry

What you should never do...

Don't make your wife (or the woman you claim is your wife) walk to the store by herself ( and the closest store she would have to jump on a bus to get to) after 9:30pm because you are too selfish and lazy to drive. And then after she walks in leave in the car that you didn't want to use for her to go run out for yourself.

Yeah it's crap like that makes me say I am never getting married...when I have to do shit for myself when I am suppose to have a partner to help me out. I then start asking..."What the hell do I need you for?"

And that is a very dangerous question for me to be asking...

Flirting

So the more I research the topic of "Affairs" the more I see it popping its little head everywhere around me.

Today on the train I watched a man get on and where he got on at there were still plenty of seats for him to sit at...there was even that small one seater that flips opened and closed was available and that is a very rare thing on an NYC Train. So any way he decided to finally sit down he sat next to the girl sitting across from me.

I watched him as he struck up a conversation with the lovely lady. Now the shiny ring on her finger stood out for all to see especially him cause he was sitting right next to her but I also over hear her say to him in there conversation that she was married 7 years.

Now when they first started talking there was a small gap between them ( you know the normal gap we keep between us when we are sitting next to some we don't know) but the longer they talk the smaller the gap gets. Arms & thighs slightly brushing against each other and she begins to lean in closer to hear him better. He was speaking almost in a whisper-which I think he was doing it on purpose so that she would have lean in close to him. (Sneaky )

Now I can make out some of there conversation and I hear him asking her what she does for fun and where she hangs out.

Her stop was coming up (I could tell because she was getting her stuff together just like me) and JACKPOT I heard it...I heard him ask her for her number...now here it the true test what will she do?

A.) She could stick to the sorry I'm married and keep it moving...
B.) Or give him her number

So what does she do...Neither she took a very different route...option C

She told him that she couldn't give him her number because she was married BUT she did say she would talk his number. Now like any guy he was hesitant to give his number out of fear that she would never call.

But then came the cherry on the cake she told him where she was going to be hanging that night with her girls...this confirming them meeting again to continuing there flirting and maybe more.

Hmm lust is the air and it ain't even summer time.

You learn something new everyday

Today I was IMing with a friend on FB...I had been reading his blog and when I was done reading I couldn't help be feel his feeling of being lost & alone. I couldn't help but remember what it felt like to walk around with such a heavy feeling weighting on your shoulders. And I remembered all of that and the things I wrote when I was feeling that way and how much it helped me...how it made me stronger because of it.

Then I starting thinking about how I don't really blog anymore and how I had so many people who use to read me and email me and I stopped....

Well because of my slightly lost friend I am going to start writing it again.

This blog was all about how difficult life was for me and all the strength I needed to get through the day.

But this one will be about me in the sense of ~yeah things at times may get stressful and yes, things may be difficult from time to time and little hard to breath but this time I am going to write about how I get through it~ Life can kick the shit out of me but fuck it I'm just going to dust myself of and keep it moving and if I take anyone along for the ride again hang on for some fun.

Now all I got to do is figure out how to change my backgrounds to make originals ones ;-)