Well that’s it finally happened the little piece of shit laptop that I have been using finally died. And it’s ironic too because I came home today from having dinner him my daughter and the jerk (which by the way I had to pretty much talk him into doing why do I keep bothering). I came home thinking that maybe I shouldn’t be looking for another bartending job especially in a strip club. But that’s me questioning myself again when reality is smacking right on the face. I have to talk him into having dinner with us; come on that is so lame. He thinks that going grocery shopping is a waste of money he would rather buy shit everyday. Damn I am a mother that has to get our little girl ready everyday; I have to wash her clothing with no help from him except for quarters. And when she’s sick it’s me that loses the sleep. I do her homework with her everyday and study with her too. And I know that it’s a mother’s job to do all that and much, much more and I love it too but it’s his job too?
And it’s the fact that I have to always remind him that drives me crazy. And yet I keep questioning my decisions that makes no sense to me and I am the one that is doing it. I choose to work in strip clubs bartending for many reasons 1. is because the money is way better then regular clubs; know one tips in clubs and I’m staying up until 4am for 80 bucks no sorry. The 2nd reason is because I always felt much more safer leaving a strip club then a regular club the bouncer always waits with you. And the 3rd reason is when I get hit on there I am not taken off guard I handle it way better. For some reason I get all stupid like I care and I don’t need that.
I just need something for the weekend I need to not be around. I need to have more money on pocket because honestly it is not in my nature to be a beggar. He claims that all he wants is his family he wants us to be a family but how can I believe anything he says when he can see maybe if I need to buy panties or a new bra he stays silent and offers no assistances when he knows full well that all my money from my job goes to paying all my household bills and all he gives me is $150 a month for bills and $75 (when ever he remembers) for what he calls “Child Support” I call is it money for food shopping. So then what’s for me? I’ll tell you nothing.
A very good example of his self way wanting what he wants and never helping out to get it; he has always told me that he loves when my hair is red. I hate it cause it doesn’t last long on me and it turns orange which I hate. And he always claims he’ll pay to have my hair died red but when I go to ask him for the money I get 50 million excuses.
So again why do I bother worrying about him? Because I’m stupid that’s why!!!