Tuesday, December 22, 2009
On the map of another CROSSROAD
It is 1:30 in the morning and I am laying in bed pissed off at the man laying next to me.
And I am not pissed off the reasons that most would think...but why I am pissed off is the core of our reason for never truely being together.
Laying next to me the most selfish man I will ever know...
Does he love me? Yes he does with all his heart.
Does he want to spend the rest of his life with me? Yes he does.
But like I have always said sometimes LOVE just isn't enough.
Because if he loved me enough then why am I the only one out looking for work...true he is bring in $$$$ but why does it have to be his way there are other ways.
But then at least appreciate the fact that I am out there trying my hardest to find work that will coinside with his life. (Again something I hate trying to do... coninsiding with his lives.)
But to be honest it isn't just the job...it's the stupid little things...
Like never asking me if I am hungry or thursty when he gets something for himself.
Always acting like my money is helping...not ever a little.
And the always so quick to snap...
I am a happy person. I like being happy and giving happiness but when the people closest to me are being ASSHOLES I sometimes cant help myself my but get mean and nasty back. And he does that he goes HOT to Cold in like 2 secs...makes me nuts.
I feel like I am at a cross roads again. Having to make yet another life changing decison but the trick this time is will the guy I am with realise that we are standng at the same cross road together. Or will he think that he walking through life alone like most men do.
Men never relising they have a co-pilote.
Love is the greatest thing it makes the world go around GOD I know wouldn't know how to live my life without my daughter but my love for her is so different...there are things I would do for her that I would never in a million years think of doing for myself-just to survive but for her I wouldn't think twice.
So it has to be more then love...some thing deeper...something relationship are missing now a days because not for nothing there are couples (older...way older) who I have always questioned why they stayed together but they did and it has to be for then love.
Love sometimes isn't enough to be together.