Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Closure & finally feeling good about it
Hello loyal reads today’s entry is dedicated to a LB…I learned a lesson knowing him and I am not sure if I will get the opportunity to say this in person “I’m glad for having known you…thank you.” So the letter I would have written to him I put here.
Dear friend-you're my muse this morning...my blog which I have neglected for a minute is going to be about some the crap that has been running this mind of mine...first off let me allow me to say "Thank you.” Thank you for reminding me of the type of woman I really am." Before you met me I was like I told you in our 1st IM "I'm like a guy with big boobs." I just didn't care and I was letting my desire lead the way never letting my heart really get involved. I kept my heart & dreams to myself because honestly-trust is a very difficult thing for me.
But in meeting you I was reminded that I want to trust again but who I need to trust is myself & the choices I make and that’s what has been killing me. When I 1st met you I lumped you in with the rest of the men I knew or have come across but you were different you became a friend and it was nice. You & I want very different things out of life BUT you reminded me that I still "I WANT something".
These are the good things that ran through my mind the bad is how I have failed badly in past & I wonder if I even have the right to try again with a child at the age she is.
Since you've moved on I have hung with the girls & the my guy friends & I pulled out the little black book again but this time it really didn't want that empty life I have been living I wanted more. I want fun and laughter and cuddling and that mushy crap. LOL
Then my past came back to haunt me with promises of offer me ALMOST all things I want.
So I have been stuck wondering…do I keep living the way I have been for God knows how long pretty much disconnected?
My family has told me that in the past few months the bitch in me has defrosted a little & so pay I credit where it’s due...you were the 1st person who was nice to me just be nice and now I think I MIGHT (still working it though) to put myself out there again...for real.
So thank you...
And I do hope you meant it for us to be friends because good people are hard to come by these days you were always great to talk too and I always felt like you wanted what’s best for me.
Wish me luck & I send out to you Blessings and the BEST of wishes and I hope you find someone that sees how sweet & nice I think you are
I hope I get to give you my token of my appreciation in person & before your next concert you might want to wear it.